


12_Christmas - Shin and Akihiro

by Tabi



Category: Kiss x Kiss: Seirei Gakuen
Genre: Christmas, Community: 12_christmas, M/M, Original Character(s), Snow and Ice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2008-12-24
Updated: 2008-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-21 13:57:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 34,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/225956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tabi/pseuds/Tabi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Akihiro is determined to, one way or another, spend Christmas with Shin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 01: Winter Wonderland, Snow

_Monday, 4th of December_

 _Two weeks before the end of term_

 

Given the unpredictability of the weather, the students of Seirei Gakuen had been quite overjoyed at the first snow of the year falling on a Sunday. Grey clouds had loomed overhead for most of November, threatening rain or storms or snow... the average pupil didn't pay attention to the weather report and nobody particularly trusted those for word of snow in the first place. If one was to judge by the report then it seemed likely that they'd be setting themselves up for a disappointment... but nonetheless, that didn't stop most of the lessons of mid-to-late-November being conducted in rapt silence, students paying more attention to the unchanging weather outside than their teacher or schoolwork.

The snow had started gently around the beginning of December. Usually noticed by a younger family member, ' _it's snowing, it's snowing!_ '... this would be passed off until proof of the event was witnessed when indeed it would be accepted that yes, it _was_ snowing. Perhaps it would be a slight flurry, or perhaps-- it's sticking? Yes, it's sticking!...

Monday morning, the snow was enough to be impressive but not enough to cause call for a Snow Day. Pupils watched the falling snow from the window of the bullet train, crunched through the small drifts on the path leading to the school gates and, like in summer when hot weather beckoned, wondered why on earth they had to be stuck inside when there were things like _snow_ outside to be enjoyed and treasured. You could go to class anytime, but snow? That was special. You never knew when the falling snow would stop, when the gathered snow would melt... nothing seemed to stir up the youthful appreciation of a transient nature more than snow did. That was something short-lived that was tangible and precious and as the snow fell harder, the teachers found it more and more difficult to attract the attention of their classes.

Some students just didn't bother. Those who felt tethered to the system would sit obediently in their classes, yearning for a freedom they didn't dare take. Older students with free lessons would walk around school or watch in peace from an empty classroom or the library or wherever they could watch without being questioned as to how their study time was being employed... Shin and Akihiro watched from the roof.

The roof itself was one of the grey areas of the school. Never specified as being out of bounds and yet never particularly approved as being _in_ bounds in the first place, most students avoided it just in case. Whether you were allowed up there or not generally depended on who you were and who the teacher was that caught you. Shin would usually find out in advance when Enami-sensei was going to be on break or lunch duty; when it was Enami-sensei, there wasn't very much that Shin didn't get away with.

The two of them stood against the edge of the roof, leant against the metal railings and looking out over the front of the school and the city beyond. The snow had been falling for most of the day and so already gave some promise of a future display, patches of white gathering in nooks and crannies and corners. Shin watched nothing in particular with a kind of intent stare. These were the kinds of moments he lived for, surely? The silence of the school, only occasionally disturbed by competitive screams from the gym, a student yelling, a teacher shouting... those things seemed distant. There was movement in the city, light and sound and human activity... but there on the roof he was simply alone, watching the falling snow. There was a kind of poetry in that moment, a sort of sensation that could be transformed into something lyrical, surely?

At least, he _should_ have been simply alone watching the falling snow. Instead, he was constantly aware of Akihiro's presence beside him; Akihiro wasn't really _doing_ anything, only leant against the metal bar in the same fashion that he himself was, watching nothing in the same kind of way... but that wasn't important. More than anything he could have done or said at that time, just Akihiro's _presence_ seemed irritating. Feeling self-conscious and annoyed, Shin pulled his jacket tighter with gloved hands. He'd thought to bring his gloves and scarf at the advancing weather but hadn't thought to bring a warmer coat... he shivered slightly and moved closer to the railings, as if they would bring any kind of warmth. It really _was_ winter now. And Akihiro was just standing there in his school jacket. How could he bear to do such a thing? It seemed just another stupid thing that was just like him. Shin sighed quietly, the breath leaving his mouth as a cloud of steam.

"Don't you have a lesson to be in right now?"

Akihiro rubbed his hands together before cracking his knuckles, "Yup."

"Well, can't you go to it?"

"Haven't done the homework. Not gonna risk Kana-sensei getting pissed at me for something stupid like that, I'm not in the mood for it."

"... She's going to be just as pissed if she finds you've skipped her lesson."

"Yeah, well."

Akihiro's tone didn't seem to imply any sense of regret for his action. Shin had hoped that his question might spur Akihiro into leaving him alone but it seemed that he had no such luck with _that_ tactic. Indeed, if one was going to skip a lesson then the roof was a good place to do it, it wasn't somewhere that teachers really _looked_ when students were missing... if you left through the school gates then you were easily observed by classrooms on several sides but the roof was the highest point in the school and treasured for that reason.

Shin pulled his ponytail with two hands to tighten the hairband that kept it in place, his gloves making this feel somewhat awkward. His expression fell, "What I _mean_ is, don't you have anywhere _else_ to be at the moment...?"

"Other than my History lesson? Not really, no. Why, don't want me around?" Akihiro turned his head to face Shin at that, a wide grin spread across his features. Shin only scowled, wondering how Akihiro could find such a thing amusing - though, Akihiro _had_ always seemed to gain strange kinds of satisfaction from Shin's discomfort. They'd been living the same scenarios for long enough to be used to them now, to know how things worked and what they expected of each other... and Shin knew that, by now, there was very little (if anything) he could do or say to push Akihiro away. If he wanted to stay around for the duration of his skipped lesson then he would and he wouldn't be discouraged from that.

Shin just didn't quite understand why, other than for the sadistic amusement he often gleaned, Akihiro would _want_ to spend his free time in silent conflict with him; the two of them had known each other for a long time and _known_ each other for quite some time but Shin would likely have jumped from the roof of the school before ever admitting to anybody - or himself - that he considered Akihiro a _friend_. That wasn't the kind of thing chalked in for their relationship, not from Shin's perspective. In his mind, his view of Akihiro was clear: he was uncouth and annoying, loudmouthed and irritating, irrational and brutish, short-tempered and rough. Their relationship was one of constant antagonizing and Shin felt that half the stress he ever felt could be vaporised in an instant were Akihiro to vanish from his life and he knew that, really, if _he_ didn't want to spend the next hour with Akihiro all he had to do was take the initiative to leave and go somewhere else, provided Akihiro didn't follow him. Part of him said that he'd been on the roof first and so he had more right to be there than Akihiro did and another part of him, which he usually obeyed without listening to, didn't really _want_ to leave.

Again, he would have more likely died than admit this to anybody. It wasn't that he _liked_ Akihiro's company, more that Akihiro's company was better than no company at all, or something. Something like that. Wherever he went Akihiro was likely to try following him so there wasn't really any point in trying to move in the first place. That was the logic Shin's conscious mind clung to. It'd only be a bother to try and move someplace else and it wouldn't hold any kind of victory _anyway_ , so... the roof was good enough. Even if Akihiro was there.

Akihiro leant his head against one hand, looking out enthusiastically towards the snow-covered landscape. "I can't believe it's already December! I mean, woah. Not gonna be long until we get off for the holidays! Jeez, and they've been pushing us so much this year. It's fine when you're in the first or second year and you've got a teacher who doesn't mind skipping lessons and breaking out the paperchains for the last lessons of term, but guh... I've got like three essays due in before the end of term. What happened to taking it easy!?"

Shin kept his voice even, "As much as it makes sense for you to prefer childish pursuits, that's simply the kind of thing you'll have to get used to now that we're in the third year. School is a place for work and study, not parties."

"Jeez, who jabbed the stick up _your_ ass today..."

"I'm only saying."

Akihiro turned around to lean his elbows against the rail, staring at Shin's profile for a few moments. Shin didn't move or acknowledge Akihiro's gaze, so he felt comfortable to keep on staring for a few moments longer.

How could Shin bear to say things like that? With such a cold tone, too... wasn't that taking a rather one-sided view of things? Yes, so school _was_ for studying and exams and tests and learning and that kind of thing, but... if it was only like that it'd be rather empty, wouldn't it? If nothing else, that damned KISS wouldn't exist were it not for the sake of extra-curricular activities and for a moment Akihiro wondered if the sacrifice would be worth it to get rid of _that_ tradition. Still... as much as it annoyed him that so much work was due in for the end of term, there was still the Christmas party that the Student Council was holding, amongst other smaller celebrations. Classroom windows were decorated with fake snow and paper Christmas trees while their real counterparts dotted themselves around the school at appropriate points; paper chains hung from the ceiling and tinsel hung around the doorframes. There was always a competition between the homerooms at Christmas, to see which classroom had the best decorations. The class would work together to make their room the best and both the competition and the simple activity was always appreciated.

"It's that Christmas party soon, isn't it?"

Shin sounded distracted, "Possibly." He thought about it for a few moments longer with actual consideration, "... Probably."

"Looking forward to it?"

"Not really."

"Jesus. I knew it took a lot to get you excited, but... fucking hell. Can't even get excited about a party?"

"I have better things to be doing with my time."

"Like what?"

"I've got to rehearse. I've got a concert after the end of term."

"Which is still at least two weeks away! C'mon, let loose a little. Even if that Kudou's chasing you around with mistletoe it's gonna be fun, right? 'Cause I mean, it's like you said, school's all about learning and stuff... so it's gonna be even better when we get to kick back and relax for that party! I bet Enami-sensei's gonna try and get Megumi-sensei under the mistletoe. Or the other way round, maybe... but I bet both of them are gonna have to fight Gondawara-sensei away, huh..."

Shin closed his eyes, "... You're noisy."

Akihiro had been about to say something else about the upcoming party, but at that found himself struck dumb. He paused for a moment, nursing his slightly injured pride; he didn't really consider himself as a person who really talked a lot - and so the vague insult felt even more barbed. He didn't talk a lot and then when he _did_ talk, he just had Shin knock him down for it. Maybe he _had_ been a bit overenthusiastic.

"... Yeah, well. Someone's gotta try and get you excited for the holiday."

"Hnph."

There wasn't really much to say to that. Akihiro sighed, turning back around to look over towards the main cityscape. Was Shin merely being obstinate because of _his_ presence, or was he genuinely bored at the thought of Christmas? That seemed... almost a little sad, somehow. Akihiro supposed that maybe it was a little childish, but he couldn't help but get excited about Christmas. All the little traditions and things you did with your relatives... not that Akihiro's mother had much contact with any of the other sides of their family, but Akihiro didn't mind that. Even if it was just the four of them - him, his mother, his little sister and their pet dog - then it'd be something that _they'd_ treasure. Yukari-chan was at that perfect age, too... old enough to know what Christmas was but still young enough to appreciate it. Akihiro supposed that half his excitement came from how much he and his mother had been preparing Yukari for Christmas - she was so wide-eyed and amazed at the whole prospect that it was hard _not_ to feel the festivity of the season.

From what Akihiro understood, Shin was the youngest in his family. Likely the Nishimura household was long past preparing Christmas for the sake of _their_ youngest member.

"I guess this is the last time we'll be able to see a view like this, isn't it?"

This suggestion did seem to catch Shin's attention; "What do you mean?"

"Well, this season. Christmas in the third year... we're not gonna be here next Christmas, are we? Doubt they'll be happy 'bout letting us on the roof once we're not students here anymore. Though I'm sure we can find our way up here if you smile at Enami-sensei right."

Akihiro had been sure that the comment on Enami would have provoked Shin somehow, but instead he seemed to pass that comment off; instead, his expression fell - just slightly - to some kind of sadness. He pressed his gloved hands against the rail, peering down at the main walkway below, empty but for the gathering snow. The school flag waved limply in the cold breeze. Past the entrance archway was the path that led to the main train station, visible on the horizon. Past that was houses, buildings, shops, the park... you could make out the complex where the Live House was located, just.

Akihiro didn't understand Shin's expression or his silence. "... Something up?"

"... enough..."

Shin mumbled something under his breath, not quite loud enough for Akihiro to actually understand. Reaching out with one fist Akihiro knocked Shin gently on the shoulder before hugging his arms to himself in some attempt to conserve warmth, "I don't get you when you mumble. Try actually talking. En~unciate."

This comment earnt Akihiro a glare, but Shin did repeat himself. "... I... don't feel that I'm appreciating this enough."

The serious tone of that comment was unexpected. "... What do you mean?"

"... You're right. This _is_ the last Christmas we'll be spending at this school... indeed, all through this year we've been plagued by that kind of shadow... ' _this is the last year of school_ '... ' _this is the last summer holiday we'll have together_ '... the last September, the last October, the last November... so much that we do becomes finalistic because of the place we've reached in our school hierarchy. We're already in our last months of school. Before we know it, it'll be time to graduat--"

"Don't talk about that."

"... Jinguuji?"

Akihiro gripped the cold rail with surprising strength, "... I don't want to think about that."

Unsure quite how to react to Akihiro's emotive ambiguity, Shin merely glanced down at his hands instead. "That can't be comfortable."

"What's that got to do with anything?!" Still somewhat tense, Akihiro quickly retracted his hands.

"Seems rather foolish to come into school in the middle of winter without gloves or a scarf or even a coat... or maybe Jinguuji doesn't feel the cold like the rest of us do...?"

"I just forgot, okay?! Left my coat next to the front door. So I just gotta freeze today, that's my problem."

Shin watched Akihiro carefully, the way he jammed his hands under his armpits and glared across the landscape with irritation. It seemed that just the mention - or the almost-mention - of graduating in the spring was enough to set Akihiro off into a bad mood... Shin looked back over the railings, idly tracing the path of falling snowflakes. Graduation seemed both a long way away and a short way away - the former mentally and the latter physically, he supposed. They were already more than halfway through the year. And then what? Then, they'd leave Seirei Gakuen for good. Well, some would go on to Seirei University, but in Shin's eyes that was merely for the students who had no drive or ambition to look further afield. Provided he made it through the entrance exams, Shin was aiming towards the Tokyo National University of Fine Arts and Music - music was naturally his passion and to pursue anything else in higher education seemed both boring and pointless. He wasn't sure what Akihiro was aiming for nor where he wanted to take himself after graduation - and given his response to even that suggestion, Shin didn't like to ask. Akihiro didn't really seem the type to aim for much academically anyway - he supposed that Akihiro was likely on the road to _some_ university, by the time of the third year the pressure to choose a university and start studying for it was too much to ignore, but whether he was following a passion or merely going on the insistence of others, Shin wasn't sure. He didn't like to think that he cared, either.

Having mentioned Akihiro's lack of warm attire, Shin couldn't help but feel that, were they different people in another situation, there might have been an opportunity there. Wasn't it a noble thing to do, for a man to offer his jacket to his blushing girlfriend in order for her to not get cold? Shin could picture the scene vividly and couldn't help but feel that that was quite a long way away from he and Akihiro stood on the school roof. They weren't boyfriend and girlfriend - or boyfriend and boyfriend - and Akihiro was just about as far from a blushing girlfriend as you could _get_. Shin had a feeling that Tatsuya, had he been there, would likely have offered his coat to Shin... but it was a little difficult when it was Tatsuya, given that he had the general body structure of a first-year student. That was an entirely different matter, in any case; Tatsuya was just that kind of person. Shin wasn't. He held his tongue on that line of thought.

"... You should go inside if you're really feeling that cold."

"I could."

"Go on, then."

"Don't wanna."

"Stubborn."

"Like you can talk."

Shin sighed heavily and turned to face Akihiro, "I'm not the one shivering in his shoes standing in the middle of the snow barely wearing anything. If you hide out in some corner of the library I'm sure you'll go unnoticed, if Kana-sensei's got a class then she's not going to suddenly walk through the doors, is she? If you want to watch the snow falling you can sit by a window or something, can't you?"

Akihiro's lips curled in a vague smile but he didn't look at Shin, "Not like you to be so concerned over my wellbeing."

"It's not like that, I'm just amazed that someone could be so stupid."

"I know you love me really, Nishimura."

That really _was_ the kind of comment to stir Shin's ire; he closed his eyes with an expression of deep irritation, one eyebrow twitching; despite this, he _did_ seem to have a faint blush over his cheeks. This could have been through finding some warmth in the cold weather or for some other reason, but it didn't stop his acerbic tone. "The day I love you, Jinguuji, will be the day that I fall into hell to become a professional ice-skater."

"You can't just say ' _when hell freezes over_ ', can you? Oh well. If that's the case then I'll be there with you and _I'd_ offer you my jacket."

The way that Akihiro could make such comments in such an easygoing manner needled at Shin's patience, though part of him recognized and relaxed slightly at the fact that he wasn't so upset at the thought of graduating any longer. Shin sighed again, feeling his tortured patience gently slip away from desperate fingers. "If you want my jacket then you should just ask straight out. Besides, I'm not freezing myself for your sake, Jinguuji. If you don't want to be cold then you should go inside."

Akihiro laughed slightly, "Destroys it if I have to ask for it. Doesn't mean anything."

"And your shoulders are too broad. You'd never get into this jacket."

"It's a pretty girly jacket anyway, don't think I'd wanna."

Shin flinched, "Then why are we having this conversation?"

Ignoring the question, Akihiro leant his head on one hand with an expression that seemed both thoughtful and indulgent and stared up at Shin. "I don't gotta be wearing your jacket to get into it, do I?"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean..." Despite his words, Shin's tone held an air of resignation. It was the kind of thing he liked to play ignorant on, but Akihiro only ever made that sort of comment for one reason and one reason alone. The reason was fairly obvious but still, Shin didn't like to lower himself to acknowledge such things, not from Akihiro.

"What do you think it's supposed to mean?"

"Something perverse, I'm sure. It always is when it's _you_."

"I love how you say that like you don't like it."

"I _don't_."

It was things like that which confused Akihiro. The way Shin could be so stubborn and obstinate, the way angry and hateful words would easily drop from his tongue... eight times out of ten, any casual observer would think, and with justification, that Shin and Akihiro hated each other.

Those remaining two were the times that Akihiro couldn't bring himself to let go of. When Shin was desperate and needing, when he'd talk so casually of terrible and hurtful things... when he'd act _strangely_ , certainly not hating it and being the one instigating it in the first place... Akihiro didn't really understand. Times like that, it seemed like Shin was a completely different person. Almost literally so. Akihiro felt that he was hopelessly attracted to Shin whether it was the distant Shin who actually seemed to hate him or the Shin who clung to him through the night saying he'd die if Akihiro wasn't around...

He supposed that, really, Shin was precisely what one would define as, if one were to be cruel, psycho. Akihiro often heard tell of guys and their psycho ex-girlfriends, at least. There was probably a different term for guys. Girls never really seemed to brand guys as being psycho unless they were axe-wielding - they were usually creeps or bastards or jerks or idiots; generally, it seemed thought that men lacked the mental capacity to be properly psychotic. Such behaviour was almost premeditated and for the most part, guys couldn't be bothered for that. Jerk a girl around or dump her, mind games were too much bother. On the whole. Akihiro supposed. Shin was the kind of person who took all of Akihiro's preconceptions on the differences between the sexes and turned them around spectacularly. Perhaps that was his own ignorance shining through; if Shin was any evidence for it, men were just as capable of mind games as women were. And there had been Akihiro thinking that women were terrifying; either way, it seemed that he couldn't escape.

Sometimes Akihiro wanted to ask Shin if he was aware of the effect he had. If he realised how strange his behaviour was, how maddening his moodswings were, how basically and essentially _frightening_ he could be when he was in one of _those_ moods... but in the situation it was too late to ask and when it wasn't happening, Akihiro didn't like to mention it. And so they continued on, both seeming to believe that questioning their own behaviour and rationalising things could come later... but when?

This was perhaps the reason that Akihiro didn't like to think of their graduation. By that point it really _would_ be too late.

Shin's forceful words were followed by a long silence; Akihiro didn't really expect Shin to say anything else but Shin was surprised that Akihiro hadn't taken up the bait - usually that line of argument was Akihiro's excuse to launch into something perverse, as he'd said. It wasn't particularly that Shin felt he _wanted_ anything like that to happen, it just seemed strange that it _didn't_ happen. Instead, Akihiro just stared off into the distance, still cupping his cheek in one hand.

Akihiro couldn't shake the feeling of inequality he'd suddenly sensed. Not that this was anything new, but all of a sudden it quite bothered him and he wasn't sure why; it was always the small things that triggered such thoughts... a casual word, a thoughtless action, just anything like that from Shin would cause Akihiro to pause and think and end up preoccupied. In this case, he couldn't help but think about Shin's jacket - or as he'd been saying previously, that something like that had no significance if you had to _ask_ for it. Lending someone a jacket wasn't something you triggered, after all; it was one of those things that just _happened_ and Akihiro knew damn well that if the situation was reversed he'd wordlessly give up his coat without a second thought, and Shin would accept it without argument. It wasn't that Shin was bodily smaller or that his jacket was girly (it wasn't _really_ ) - just that Shin wouldn't move an inch on something Akihiro felt he'd do without question.

It was moments like those that made Akihiro feel like there was a lot to be desired in their relationship. Not that this was any recent kind of revelation - from the beginning Akihiro had known this, just not what exactly to _do_ about it. It was easier to carry on with things as they were than to bother thinking about how to change them.

Rather than replying to Shin, Akihiro pushed away from the railings and stood up straight, looking rather tired all of a sudden. Shin just watched as Akihiro stepped away and then walked closer to him, put his arms around him, held him close. Shin immediately wrapped his fingers around Akihiro's wrists in an effort to pull them away, "What are you--"

Akihiro moved one hand up over Shin's mouth, "Shut up for once."

"... Your hands are cold."

"So are you."

The two of them fell into silence once more, broken only by Shin's soft sigh when Akihiro nuzzled against his neck to bury his face in the folds of Shin's scarf. Akihiro's breath gathered amongst the fabric and Shin could feel vague heat there... and behind and around him, since Akihiro seemed quite unashamed to embrace him in such a bold fashion. He could have pushed Akihiro away, could have continued with the questions and rebukes... but that kind of exhaustion Akihiro had seemed to carry was almost catching, and Shin couldn't be bothered to be on the offensive all the time. Even with his school blazer and jacket, he was still quite cold - and yet, even wearing only the shirt and blazer, Akihiro behind him seemed to generate some warmth of his own. Shin closed his eyes, pondering the abstract ramifications of such a concept as he gently leant his head against Akihiro.

It was best when they were both silent, Shin felt. When Akihiro wasn't making annoying comments and when he wasn't saying hasty words before he'd thought them through... language seemed to complicate things so much. They often seemed to stumble and fall over matters like those, ignoring the bigger picture for the sake of stupid details.

Shin opened his eyes halfway, breathing out slowly and deliberately to watch the steam rise and dissipate into the air. The snow still fell and the sky was still heavy with grey neverending clouds; the snow now covered every patch of ground visible from the roof - from where Shin and Akihiro stood this was the case and Shin didn't doubt that it was the same on the other side... likely even the running track would be covered, now.

Below them, younger students were stuck in lessons. The snow didn't stop, falling continually as life and learning happened in other places. Classes would end and those lucky enough to have to walk outside to reach their next lesson would relish the chance to walk in the snow, would maybe grab a handful and throw it before a teacher could see. Maybe some would cherish the opportunity to walk in the snow with a particularly chosen person, even for that brief time. Maybe others would just move from one floor of the main building to another, watching out of the window and hoping against hope that the snow would still be falling when it came for the next lesson's end, when it came. When hometime came. When they were free from school to enjoy the snow as they wished. All of that, Shin thought, and he and Akihiro had all the time in the world to stand around on the roof and watch the snow and be _in_ the snow, and all they could think to do was to complain about the cold. That seemed... short-sighted, somehow.

The thought that the scene was almost a little romantic crossed Shin's mind; he allowed himself a small smile while he knew that Akihiro couldn't see it. He was glad that Akihiro hadn't continued on with those previous lines of thought, that suddenly they were caught in nothing more complicated than a hug. The gentle things made Shin want the harsher things but one didn't necessarily follow the other... it seemed like the latter was what made Shin need Akihiro and the former was what made him _want_ him. Rare as those things were. Why were they rare? Because he was always pushing Akihiro away so quickly. Because he didn't want Akihiro to work out the things Shin was afraid to admit even to himself.

"... Hey, Nishimura."

"Ahn...?"

Akihiro moved his head a little, shifting so that his chin leant against Shin's shoulder. "... Warmer now."

"... Bring a coat, next time."

"Will do."

For once, the silence that followed didn't feel uncomfortable.

"... Nishimura?"

"What is it?"

"... Being out here like this... with the snow and all..."

"Mmm?"

"... I don't know. Maybe it's kind of romantic, don't you think?"

That Akihiro had managed to say precisely what Shin had been thinking seemed to spark his anger somehow; as if acting on reflex, Shin shoved his elbows back to catch Akihiro off-guard, to cause him to move his arms and for Shin to work his way out from their hold. He did so as Akihiro looked up at him with some kind of empty confusion and even as he spoke the words he regretted them, he regretted his previous action and he regretted his intended action but as much as he regretted them, he couldn't quite stop himself either. Escaping the situation was better.

"W-what are you saying, saying something like that... _romantic_... Jinguuji, when it's you, _nothing_ can be romantic--!"

And with that, Shin turned on his heel and made his way over to the staircase that would lead down to the canteen corridor. Part of him expected Akihiro to stop him, part of him was unsurprised that that failed to happen.

Akihiro just watched, Shin's warmth fading against his body. He sighed deeply, "... Guess I messed up again somewhere..."

He shook his head in his confusion, turning back to lean against the railings. They were cold; now lacking Shin's heat, they seemed _too_ cold. Glancing down at his watch, Akihiro worked out that there was about ten minutes left before the end of the lesson he should have been in. Then was last lesson, but he had a free for that anyway... there wasn't any harm in going home early... the next bullet train going along his route left in ten minutes, then would leave again in another ten... he had no reason to stick around for after school. Sometimes he would to see if Shin was around, but... after _that_ , it didn't seem like he'd want Akihiro's company. Annoyed by the cold, Akihiro stuffed his hands into his trouser pockets, not that that provided much in the way of bodily heat.

He'd reacted so suddenly, but if Shin thought that Akihiro wouldn't have noticed the definite blush over his cheeks then he merely painted them both as idiots. Akihiro liked to think that he knew Shin's reactions by now and supposed that with a comment like that, he'd deserved the reaction. It wasn't like Shin to take such things well.

"... Nothing can be romantic, huh..." Akihiro smiled to himself, looking directly above him to the looming clouds and the falling snow. "... I guess not."

Casting one last look over the landscape, Akihiro made his own way into the school building. It was generally best to get out before the dense crowds of schoolchildren made to move between lessons.

Akihiro wasn't going to take Shin's statement for granted, he knew that much. Besides, wasn't it the Christmas party at the end of the week...? School parties were so stereotypically teenage. It didn't hurt to act alongside the feeling and sentiment of the event, did it? No, no it didn't.

Thoughts and plans already formulating in his mind, Akihiro smiled broadly as he walked out of the school's front gates. Nobody noticed his early departure.


	2. 02: Mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tatsuya involves himself, Keigo intervenes.

_Friday, 8th of December_

 _One week before the end of term_

 

Akihiro's smile was a rather rare event. To those who knew him, perhaps not so much; he didn't mind smiling if there was something to smile about and he could be fairly easy-going when he wished to be, but 'when he wished to be' was entirely on Akihiro's own terms. He didn't like to expose himself to people he didn't know or wasn't comfortable with and he didn't see the point in expending emotion where he didn't have to. To this end, many thought him moody and unresponsive; he might not have disagreed with this himself, depending on who was accusing him. It wasn't a statement he worked hard to disprove, in any case.

Therefore, some might have been surprised to see him striding off towards the Student Council building with such a jubilant smile on his face - _especially_ for knowing his destination. Akihiro was a frequent visitor to the Council building but rarely for any good reason; out-of-bounds to students, a member of Seirei's rank and file walking through those doors could only mean punishment of some sort or another at the ends of the Student Council. Yoshikuni was rather effective and very few would make repeat visits, but Akihiro held little fear or respect for the leader of the Student Council and so didn't really care. The worst thing about those meetings, less than Yoshikuni's sharp tongue, was the look of disappointment on Keigo's face for Akihiro turning up in front of the Council _again_... but Akihiro supposed that a little guilt could do him good and there hadn't been anything yet that had caused any deep rift between he and his friend, so he saw no problem there.

The snow was a definite presence now and there seemed to be no better setting for the Seirei end-of-term Christmas party. Held on the last Friday before the end of term to guarantee turnout, the afternoon would be dedicated to celebrations around the school - there'd be a disco in the gym, party games held in various classrooms and even the Student Council building would be open to the general public, a near-unprecedented event. Flyers had been handed out to the students during morning registration, letting everybody know of the events that would be taking place. By the afternoon, the whole school would be doing as they wished. Having spent the last part of the morning out of school, Akihiro had returned in time for fourth lesson. For all intents and purposes he should have been in a rather dull Science lesson at that point, but for once he had a reason for skipping lessons; he had _permission_. Valid or not, he still had it.

" _C'mon man, I'm sure you can work out something--!_ "

" _I'm not giving you an excuse to miss lessons purely for the sake of missing lessons, Akihiro._ "

Akihiro had been working Keigo over for most of the week prior to the event. Being friends with somebody on the Student Council had to come in useful sometime, didn't it? What use was it if Keigo couldn't get him out of lessons sometimes?

" _Hey, I'm not asking to totally freeload on you guys, you know that jerk Wada'd never allow it. I'll help! I'll, I don't know, pick up snacks for you guys or something._ "

" _I'd rather you refrained from referring to Wada so... and isn't that just an excuse to get you out of school for an hour or so?_ "

" _Damn straight!_ "

" _I can't condone that, I'm afraid._ "

" _Oh, come onnnn. If it's not me then it's only gonna be someone else, right? Don't you guys got more important things to do than haveta go back and forth across town to the Convenience Store just to pick stuff up? I don't mind, I totally don't mind!_ "

" _It might surprise you to know that we are in fact a little more organized than that... we've been storing things in the Council building since the beginning of the month and anything perishable, we'll bring that morning._ "

" _But if you forget something--!_ "

" _Akihiro, please. I'm not making excuses for you. Let it go, alright? If we need help, there are many other students who have proved themselves more capable and trustworthy in the eyes of our Council. With your track record, I simply can't see Wada ever allowing you anywhere near our preparations..._ "

" _Oh yeah, that's just his style, isn't it? Not even allowed to prove myself..._ "

" _That's only because you usually prove yourself as a delinquent._ "

" _If he wasn't such a tightassed brick wall then things might be different... h-hey, Keigo--! Where'reya going?! Wait up--!_ "

It had taken most of that week and a lot of wearing down of Keigo's patience, but in the end, Akihiro had prevailed. Keigo had gone to see Yoshikuni on the provision that Akihiro not get his hopes up for anything near a positive answer and so had been astounded when in fact Yoshikuni had agreed without a second thought; perhaps he had some ulterior motive or perhaps he was merely feeling festive, but his smile and agreement had quite surprised Keigo. The fact that Akihiro had been so insistent, Yoshikuni reckoned, showed at least an impressive amount of stamina and determination. If he were to actually put those qualities towards helping with the Christmas event then surely he would be a valuable help, even if his reasons for that determination were questionable in the first place... and, surprisingly, Akihiro hadn't let them down. Keigo had severely doubted Akihiro's drive and for this he felt quite guilty come mid-morning... Yoshikuni had only smiled, saying that sometimes, all people needed was a second chance. Though in Akihiro's case he was closer to his fifty-second, but one would never find out by only providing a dead end, surely? Keigo only wondered why Akihiro had given up sitting in classrooms for doing things much more active and exhausting... though perhaps he had a genuine desire to help? Either that or the prospect of being active was better than being bored in class for the day with the excitement of the party playing on his mind... though, to Keigo, that seemed like another strange prospect. Akihiro wasn't particularly social and he just didn't _like_ parties. In any other situation he was quite sure that Akihiro would simply just have not come in on the day of the party, let alone offer to _help_... none of it seemed to make any sense. When asked the rationale behind his behaviour, Akihiro only smiled, " _No reason!_ "

When the day arrived, Akihiro had actually been at school early to help. He'd taken the flyers to the classrooms, counted them out according to class size and given them to all of the teachers... he'd made sure that the posters and banners were up right around the school (and put ones up where they were missing), he'd managed to do tasks that Yoshikuni requested without sarcastic comment or scathing remark and somehow, they made it to the early morning without any mishap. Then Akihiro had had to go to the Convenience Store to pick up some things that _had_ been forgotten after all - he'd picked them all up without question. He felt rather good about things as he walked back to the Council building, finding himself surprised to see Shin standing outside on his return.

"... Nishimura?"

Shin turned around suddenly, surprised both by being called and by seeing Akihiro; Akihiro was usually the last person Shin wanted to see in any given situation and this was no exception. The vague sense of irritation that always seemed to set in for being in Akihiro's presence established itself in Shin's expression and he merely folded his arms, "... Jinguuji. What are you doing here?"

Akihiro lifted the shopping bags he carried in both hands as some kind of indication, "Been doing errands for our beloved Student Council for most of the morning. Seems like that's the kind of question I should be asking you, huh? Not like _you_ to want to get your hands dirty."

"... It doesn't seem like you to be so enthusiastic about chores..."

Walking past Shin, Akihiro stood in front of the main doors of the Council building. "Nobody ever feels like actually _trusting_ me, do they? Jeez. Took long enough to get Keigo to even _ask_ if I could help out today. Good thing I caught Wada in a good mood, or whatever the hell convinced him to actually let me in... but hey, I get to miss class for the whole day, doesn't anybody else see the benefits here?!"

"Avoiding work by doing more work..."

"... Look, I haven't done my Science coursework, okay? Hiraguchi-sensei will _literally_ fuck me up the ass sideways when he next sees me. Better if that's with the completed coursework than nothing, right? And like this I can at least say I was busy on Student Council business and that I genuinely forgot, or something."

Shin just sighed, "Honestly, you never change."

"You know it. So what are _you_ doing here? Felt like coming to see me, huh~?"

Ignoring that last comment, Shin looked up at the closed doors of the building's balcony. "Kudou wanted me to be here."

At that statement, expected though it was, Akihiro's posture and expression sobered up somewhat. If there was any threat to their relationship, such as it was, Kudou Tatsuya was that threat down _perfectly_. Outgoing and naturally gregarious, Tatsuya wasn't somebody who made any feeling he had secret; if he liked somebody he'd tell them so and if he disliked somebody... well... Tatsuya wasn't the kind of person who disliked people, not in public. That made him all the more dangerous. If he disliked somebody then they would definitely know it so and in just the sorts of ways that nobody else would ever know about - such was the power of the Student Council. Fortunately Akihiro had never fallen foul of Tatsuya's temper and this was one thing he thanked God for each and every night; Wada's punishment was torture enough but he had the distance to be impassive. If Tatsuya were to know his relationship with Shin then Akihiro felt he'd never escape... again, he thanked God that Shin didn't see their relationship as something worth talking about and that, on the whole, it wasn't anything that people would notice. Keigo knew and Enami-sensei knew and, to his embarrassment, Akihiro's mother knew. That was enough.

Tatsuya seemed to see himself as Synchro's biggest fanboy and Shin's number one admirer and woe betide anybody who got in the way of that. He'd flaunt his affections to anybody who'd listen and lavish Shin with his attentions whenever he came anywhere in the vicinity. Tatsuya's feelings were out in the open and he wasn't afraid of that.

Shin's own feelings on the matter were harder to read. Akihiro felt painfully aware that he was only seeing Shin's life through a very specific filter of things that Shin would actually _tell_ him (and this wasn't much) and Tatsuya was barely ever mentioned. Whenever Akihiro saw them together, Shin always seemed exhausted... but that wasn't anything individual to Tatsuya, Akihiro knew Shin well enough to know that he spent most of his waking life being exhausted, that didn't mean anything. Shin didn't encourage Tatsuya's behaviour but he didn't discourage it, either. Were they fucking? Akihiro didn't like to ask. They could have had any kind of relationship going on behind closed doors and Akihiro wouldn't have known about it and knowing this felt like an endless chasm of doubt even on his better days. He liked to think that, were Tatsuya and Shin actually _dating_ as per se that Shin would have more respect for his partner than to cheat on them so shamelessly, but one never knew with him. This was another source of doubt that Akihiro couldn't shake. Tatsuya's feelings were obvious and if Shin were to ever purposefully act on them then Akihiro had a feeling that the two of them could be very happy together and that bothered him deeper than he liked to really admit; could _he_ and Shin ever be happy? Not without some major changes to their relationship.

Talking to each other would have been a start.

Trying to work his way around the questions he wanted to ask without making himself too obvious, Akihiro attempted to keep his conversation casual. "For any reason, or did he just want to drool over you s'more?"

Shin laughed humourlessly, his tone dry. "It could be either with him."

"He'll be all over you like a rash the moment you walk in those doors, you know that right?"

"I know."

"And you don't mind?"

"I--... I don't--... I don't mind or not mind, particularly."

"Huh, if I acted the way that idiot did, you'd never speak to me again."

"I don't really want to speak to you as it is. Besides, Kudou's a completely different type of person to you..."

"So it's okay when it's him, huh?" Akihiro couldn't help a slightly angry note working itself into his words. If nothing else, at times like this, Shin _infuriated_ him; everything seemed to be a matter of contrast and juxtaposition. He'd casually say about how he didn't want to be tied down to anything one day then the next day viciously forbid Akihiro from touching him with spiteful words about how he couldn't be a constant in his life like how Enami-sensei could. He'd get annoyed at romantic suggestion and then sit for an afternoon with Tatsuya on his lap while they giggled about nothing. He'd respond to any of Akihiro's feelings with a sentiment on how he didn't care and then write another song with enigmatic lyrics which could only mean _that_ but surely not... and Akihiro didn't know how to understand it, any of it. Anything he set down in stone as to knowing about Shin would be knocked to the water come their next meeting. If it was anybody other than Shin, Akihiro had a feeling that he just wouldn't have bothered.

"I can't help his behaviour."

"You could tell him to stop if you really didn't like it so much."

"I could."

"Well, so why don't you?"

"If I wanted him to stop, I'd tell him so."

Akihiro felt his anger rise irrationally, "You're always telling _me_ to stop..."

Shin walked in front of Akihiro, standing directly in front of the doors of the Council building. He turned on his heel to face Akihiro, leaning down slightly to look him up straight in the eye. "Not always."

He knocked on the front door and opened it, then closed it neatly behind him. From the inside, Tatsuya's excited squeals could already be heard, then came a rather loud _thump_ which, Akihiro supposed, was likely Tatsuya charging at Shin and slamming him into the door he'd just walked through. Akihiro just stood there for a few moments.

 _Not always..._

That seemed to be a rare reference to times that Shin would usually ignore. No, he didn't _always_ push Akihiro away, but... the times when he didn't seemed to be the times that he was too desperate to think about anything else. When they were on the roof and there was a thin line between life and death that could have been represented by those simple metal rails that could be leapt over if you really tried. _Those_ times shaved whole decades off of Akihiro's expected lifespan, he felt... but would Shin really do that? Half the time, Akihiro wondered. Shin would never pull out a blade without telling Akihiro about it first and to Akihiro, that smacked of attention-seeking. Shin wouldn't hurt himself if Akihiro didn't know about it and he wouldn't do anything so finalistic... so Akihiro liked to think. It was being caught between a rock and a hard place but it was threads of hope like that which Akihiro clung to. He just worried that sometime Shin would go too far perhaps without meaning to, and then--...

Akihiro shook his head as if to rid himself of those thoughts. Not that it particularly helped, since those kinds of thoughts were what kept him up through sleepless nights, but still.

When they were alone together, Shin didn't push him away. Quite the contrary. Grabbing him out of the school corridor (literally, sometimes) and pushing him into the closest storecupboard or supply room for another quick fuck before afternoon lessons... if Akihiro was in the mood for it or if he wasn't, Shin would _make_ him be in the mood for it. It wasn't so much that Akihiro _minded_ , though he wasn't sure he appreciated being so entirely at Shin's beck and call all the time...

He supposed that was his punishment for his behaviour in the first place. That very first place. At the fountain, after school. Some comment that had turned into an argument that had turned into a fight, as was normal between them. Shin was so pretty when he was angry. Them on the floor, Shin on top of him for a few moments and held there to see what it was like, flipped over and held down just to prove it. Angry words that were only excuses. He knew that, right? He wasn't weak. He could have pushed away. Could have escaped. He was quick when he wanted to be, it wouldn't have taken any time at all to push Akihiro off of him and charge away to the school gates or Megumi's office or anywhere that might have been safe... he'd said to stop _then_. Kept saying it. Had really meant it. _Stop it, Jinguuji_. Akihiro hadn't. It was too late, it was all too late. Whatever happened from after that moment would be deserved punishment and Akihiro knew it; the water falling from the fountain didn't mask out raw screams but when your throat hurt that much you couldn't make much sound anyway. After school, there wasn't really anybody around to hear. Hands had gripped him and pushed him and brought him close, the sound of the fountain mixing with the white noise and bestial lust and Shin's moans that were nowhere between pleasure and pain because he was bleeding and Akihiro knew it but that was what you got for being rough. You couldn't enjoy such a hellish scenario but you could come to terms with it, perhaps. Come up with excuses, no matter how stupid. Perhaps Shin worked something out in his mind that day. At first, Akihiro thought himself a demon but from Shin's behaviour afterward could only say that he'd created a monster and _didn't know how_.

It was for those reasons that Akihiro didn't like to ask any further questions.

****

It seemed that the afternoon couldn't come quickly enough for those in Seirei Gakuen; the first half of the afternoon was set out for the schoolwide activities, the games and the stalls and all of those kinds of things... quizzes were taken and prizes were won and even Akihiro had felt something of the joy of the situation, loathe as he was to get too involved with the general public of Seirei students. This all lasted for the hour of fifth lesson; once the bell went which would usually signify the end of that lesson, all students were to move down to the gym hall for the disco - not that they needed much provocation for this. What could be better than an end-of-term dance? Even if it wasn't quite the end of term just yet.

" _Keigooooo..._ "

Keigo had sounded understandably fed up as Akihiro had come to needle him once more, " _What is it, Akihiro?_ "

" _You know how I spent the whole morning helping and everything?_ "

" _Yes?_ "

" _Can I stay in the Student Council building this afternoon?_ "

" _Don't you want to see the stalls and games across the school?_ "

" _No, I mean, after that. When the disco's on._ "

" _Everybody has to attend the disco, Akihiro. I can't get you out of that._ "

" _But you guys get to stay behind and clean up, right? Since you guys would just get totally mobbed in the gym hall... and it's not like anybody would notice me if I was there or gone or anything, so since I helped earlier it just makes sense that I can help later, doesn't it?_ "

"... _I'll ask Wada, but I can't guarantee anything._ "

As it turned out, it seemed that Yoshikuni had been feeling quite forgiving that day - not only had he given Akihiro the excuse to get out of his painful Science lesson but he also allowed Akihiro to stay in the Student Council building through the afternoon, thus avoiding the school disco. As Akihiro sat in one of the comfortable chairs in the main meeting room playing on his Gameboy Advance, he wondered if Yoshikuni was calling for a reconsideration in his mental perceptions... a lot of the time Yoshikuni was, in Akihiro's eyes, the most hardassed student in the entire damn school. A stickler for rules and regulations, even a minor misdemeanour could earn one a meeting with him and detentions for the rest of the week - Akihiro had good experience of this. However, as long as one didn't break the rules, perhaps Yoshikuni was more bearable... Akihiro's thoughts hadn't changed so as to not see Yoshikuni as a definite threat, but supposed that he was getting better at learning how to remain in his good books. Maybe. Or perhaps he was just feeling lenient due to it being the end of term, whatever.

"Ah, Jinguuji. Taking a well-deserved break, I see?"

Akihiro quickly turned the sound down and looked up to see Yoshikuni standing next to him, "Uh, uh, yeah. I-- I didn't think there was anything else to do right now so I thought it'd be okay to rest."

The meeting hall was divided into two areas; the main area held the ornate meeting table and the smart chairs around it, then the window end was filled by a sofa and some comfortable chairs and a coffee table separating them. Akihiro sat with his Gameboy in one of the chairs and across the coffeetable, Shin sat, as expected, with Tatsuya on his lap. Tatsuya kept poking Shin's face and they kept giggling. Seemed like _they_ didn't have anything else to do. Still, the atmosphere of the building seemed rather relaxed, as did the entire school... Keigo was sat off to the side writing something or other, but even Yoshikuni didn't seem too bothered by anything (and if there was anything to be done, Yoshikuni would have been doing it). It seemed that Takumu had decided to risk his dignity by going to see how the disco was going, and maybe Kazuya had gone with him? Akihiro glanced around, then seeing him in the small kitchen area just off the main meeting hall. Seemed that he was making some tea, or something.

Yoshikuni smiled, "Indeed, you've been a great help to us today. You quite surprised me, since we usually don't see you here for such... fortunate reasons..."

"Yeah, well. Since it was Christmas I felt like helpin' out, y'know?"

"If only you could keep up such sentiments for the rest of the year... ah, it seems that Moritaka's making us some tea. Would you like some?"

"Um... yeah, actually. That'd be good, thanks."

Kazuya looked up at hearing his name mentioned; Yoshikuni motioned something to him with one hand, presumably to do with the amount of teacups required. Kazuya nodded and went back to his task and Akihiro wondered if Kazuya habitually made the tea or whether he was just trying to ignore Shin and Tatsuya on the couch; it was common knowledge across school that Kazuya and Tatsuya were close, everybody knew this as much as they knew Tatsuya's adoration for Shin... but what happened when those two interests collided? Akihiro hadn't had much interaction with Kazuya, but in that moment felt that they had something in common.

Despite that, the atmosphere seemed easygoing enough to make Akihiro feel somewhat wistful. Was this what it was always like in the Student Council building? If Tatsuya wasn't molesting Shin then likely he'd be molesting Kazuya. Yoshikuni would probably be doing work while Keigo made the tea and Takumu would probably be the one sitting around playing computer games, but it was _nice_ like that, somehow. For a moment, Akihiro wondered what things might have been like had he ever managed to get on the Student Council... not that that had ever been an option. He vaguely remembered back in the first year, asking Shin if he was thinking of going on the Student Council. Shin had quickly refused and this was understandable - given his commitment to his band and other things, Shin just wouldn't have had _time_ for all the extra things being on the Student Council required. And that was alright, it just meant that Akihiro had no reason to pursue a career on the Student Council either. If Shin had been up for it then maybe he would have been but since Shin wasn't, he wasn't either. Then there was the matter of how even by the first year, most teachers had labelled him a delinquent... he couldn't help getting into fights and shouting at teachers and not doing his work, or so he felt... but then again, other students managed to not get into fights and do their work and be nice and quiet and dedicated and really, they were the better contenders for being on the Council. Still, in moments like those, Akihiro wondered if it'd been something of a missed opportunity... though, as the front door opened and closed and Takumu's heavy sigh was audible even from one room away, he supposed there was another element to consider; Akihiro wasn't cut out for being famous, not in the way that the Student Council members were. Work was one thing but maintaining such a high profile was something different entirely and there didn't seem any way to look at that which didn't seem entirely exhausting. Thinking of it like _that_ , Akihiro decided he preferred things as they were. If he needed anything from the council he always had Keigo to supply it.

Takumu pulled off his scarf with another sigh and practically crashed down sideways on the chair next to the sofa, his head and legs over each armrest. He lay an arm over his eyes and Yoshikuni watched with some emotion that Akihiro couldn't quite decipher.

"Welcome back, Takumu. You look quite exhausted... still. Moritaka's making us some tea, so that should calm you down somewhat."

Takumu didn't really acknowledge Yoshikuni, speaking instead to nobody in particular. "God, you guys don't want to go to the gym right now. You could have at least come with me or something--! Jeez. When it's the entire damn school and you're the only guy there they _all_ want to dance with... then it's like, who do I dance with? If I dance with this one girl, aren't those twenty over there going to be disappointed? So in the end I did rock-scissors-paper and that seemed to work, but... yeesh."

Yoshikuni walked over to the kitchen area to help Kazuya carry the tea over, "That's what you get for making yourself available though, isn't it?"

Takumu lifted his arm slightly to glare in Yoshikuni's direction, but didn't answer him. Akihiro kept to his game, wondering what the problem was there... there seemed to be some icy kind of feeling between those two. Keigo had sometimes mentioned that Yoshikuni had been having a hard time with Takumu, but wouldn't say anything else and Akihiro had known it pointless to try pushing him any further on those matters; it wasn't hard for Akihiro to see that Keigo's affections for Yoshikuni ran deeper than one might immediately suspect but it seemed to be a matter that Keigo didn't like to talk about, and Akihiro respected that. As close as their friendship was, Keigo seemed to like to keep his friendship with Akihiro separate to his dealings with the Student Council and really, Akihiro felt that that was for the best. He didn't particularly want to know all of the problems that those guys had; it wasn't any of his business, not really.

Yoshikuni and Kazuya came through with the cups of tea on two trays, placing them down on the coffeetable for people to accept. Not keen on drinking hot drinks when they were practically scalding, Akihiro decided to let his cool for a little while but nodded up his thanks to Kazuya anyway. Kazuya acknowledged him with a nod in return and then seemed to notice what Akihiro was doing; he cast a rather heated glance in Shin and Tatsuya's direction before looking back down at Akihiro, "Hey, that's a GBA, isn't it?"

Akihiro lifted it up to illustrate the point, "What does it look like?"

"Heh, you've got a point." Kazuya sat on the armrest of Akihiro's chair, "Whatcha playin'?"

Unsure of how to react at Kazuya suddenly being in such a close physical proximity, Akihiro lowered the screen a little and turned it away from Kazuya. "O-oh, nothing interesting..."

It seemed that Shin had been overhearing the conversation and looked up with a knowing smile, "It was Pokemon the last time I saw you playing, wasn't it?"

Akihiro shot a murderous glance over in Shin's direction, but this didn't seem to deter Kazuya. "Oh wow, really? Pokemon? Which one? Lemme see-- oh hey, this is Crystal, isn't it? I never had this one. Had Red and Gold but never Crystal. Then the GBA came out so I got Sapphire... play it on my DS now. Left it at home today though. Shame really, if we'd had the same kinds we coulda swapped Pokemon, huh? Though you can't go between a Gameboy cart and a GBA one with a DS, huh... need Fire Red or Leaf Green for that, it's a pain... Ku-chan, didn't you say you were gonna get Leaf Green for Christmas so you could swap Pokemon with me?"

Tatsuya only smiled up at Shin, cupping his chin in one hand. "Shinnn, do _you_ like Pokemon...?"

"I, I'm not really big on videogames..."

"Aww... that's a shame... we could have lots of fun playing them together... don't you think? Being able to swap Pokemon, then you'd always have part of me wherever you went, as long as you took your GBA or DS with you... you'd be able to see that Pokemon and every time you saw it you'd be able to think ' _Ku-chan gave that to me--!_ ', right? And you'd be able to raise it to be really powerful and it'd be all because of me... wouldn't it? Hmm~?"

"W-well..."

Kazuya sharply turned away from that display, shuffling down against the chair to see the screen with more clarity. "So! Jinguuji. You've raised an Eevee before, right? I dunno how it works in Crystal but how do you usually go for evolving them? I never got the hang of those... new special ones, what were they called? The Psychic one and the Dark one. Never got those. Back in the original games I'd always go for Flareon... how 'bout you?"

"Vaporeon."

"Yeah? Tch, you'd totally kick my ass if we had a Pokemon battle then, wouldn't you. Still, there's something pretty cool about Fire Pokemon, don't you think?"

"I like Grass Pokemon."

"Hey yeah, it's pretty funny that there's no grass-type evolution for Eevee, isn't it? Since there's Fire and Lightning and Water and now Psychic and Dark but no Grass one! Though I guess like that you could say the same for any type, how there's no Poison type or Rock type... though I guess Grass can be Poison too, huh? I guess that's maybe why you like them? I know with me I was always catching Pokemon with my Weepinbel, since _someone_ wouldn't trade with me so I could get a Victreebell... or was that the one you had to use a stone for? I dunno. Anyway, I'd always have one with Cut and Stun Spore and Poisonpowder and the sleeping one and I'd use either the sleeping one or the poison one to capture Pokemon. I'd go around the whole map with my Pokedex to see what ones I hadn't got and take them all down with Weepinbel! Even though I couldn't get him to evolve, he always came to victory with _me_!"

Akihiro idly wondered how much of Kazuya's constant chatter was genuine and how much of it was merely a front so as to ignore Tatsuya and Shin, but he didn't particularly mind.

"... You've got Sapphire, right..."

"Yep."

"... Don't you think that Team Aqua and Magma are totally ripping off Team Rocket?"

"Oh, _totally_. Do you watch the TV show? If they ever get rid of Team Rocket I'll be so upset, they're the _best_! Me and Ku-chan could even say the motto off by heart! I bet I still could but hey, _someone's_ busy with other things right now..."

Another glare; Tatsuya just giggled. Akihiro felt his affinity with Kazuya rise sharply. What _was_ the relationship between those two anyway...? They were certainly very close, but with Tatsuya that didn't seem to say anything. Tatsuya was clearly close with Shin but Akihiro still didn't know if the two of them were sleeping together or not. Part of him didn't like to think that he cared but it was very hard to listen to that part of him with the two of them acting so close on the sofa like that.

"... Heyyyyy, Shinnnn...?"

"What is it, Kudou?"

Akihiro couldn't help but notice a tone of warmth in Shin's voice as he spoke; at first it seemed strange that he'd notice such a thing, but then he supposed that, really, since Shin never addressed _him_ like that, it would be hard not to notice... but he wasn't irritated by it, he wouldn't let it annoy him... he kept his concentration on his game. Battling the Elite Four. Fighting Lance. Against a Dragonite. A tough opponent. He'd need all his power and defensive tactics; he'd come so far, it'd be a shame to lose now...

"I've got something for you upstairs~~! You should definitely come up and see it..."

Even trying to focus all of his attention on beating that Dragonite, it didn't take a lot for Akihiro to identify what tone Tatsuya was speaking with _there_ ; he'd had his arms around Shin's shoulders and now he was drawing them away slowly, stepping off of Shin's lap and walking around the chairs to head over to the staircase that led to the upper level of the Student Council building; the main thing that surprised Akihiro was how _nobody blinked an eyelid_. He glanced up at Kazuya to see his reaction but he was too busy watching Akihiro's battle... Keigo was still writing whatever it was he was working on, Takumu was still practically passed out on his chair and Yoshikuni was quietly staring out of a window.

How often did Shin come to the Student Council building? Was this really such commonplace behaviour? Akihiro's ear twitched at the sound of Tatsuya making his way up the staircase; he looked up at Shin who was still sat on the sofa. Their eyes met, but Shin's expression gave nothing away; he glanced away and then picked himself up from the sofa, silently making his own way up the staircase. Those moments, each second of silence between Shin's footfalls on the stairs... they all seemed far too long. Shin reached the top of the stairs. The sound of a door slamming neatly shut was audible. Nobody in the meeting hall moved a muscle.

Yoshikuni was the first to speak, "Katsuragi?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think you can have those papers finished for before the end of the school day? I'd hoped to have them by the teachers by tomorrow."

"I'm on the last couple now. I shouldn't be more than ten minutes or so."

"Good, good."

Takumu made a light snoring sound. It seemed that he'd fallen asleep.

Akihiro lasted about three minutes before he made any kind of comment.

"Hey, Moritaka."

"Mm? What is it?"

"What do you suppose it is that Kudou has to show Nishimura upstairs that he can't show everybody down here?"

There was a rather thick silence all of a sudden. Kazuya looked up at Yoshikuni and glanced at Keigo, both of whom returned him equally meaningful glances; Kazuya shifted off from where he'd been sat against the side of Akihiro's chair. Akihiro supposed that, other than Keigo, nobody in that room knew anything about his relationship with Shin... of course, so too did he suppose it secret if Kazuya and Tatsuya had any kind of relationship, though if they _were_ trying to keep it secret then they were doing a fantastically bad job of it. Tatsuya didn't make it any secret that he _liked_ Shin, but how far did _that_ go? If there was any answer to that, it seemed that the members of the Student Council were trying to silently decide whether to reveal it or not. It already spoke volumes that Akihiro had chosen to direct his question towards Kazuya in the first place.

"... Who knows? Maybe Ku-chan got something thoughtful for his favourite singer..."

"Still, isn't it a little early to be giving Christmas presents?"

"Akihiro..."

It seemed that everybody was rather surprised to hear Keigo speak up, not least Akihiro himself; Keigo didn't lend any explanation as to why he'd suddenly chosen to speak but something about his voice made Akihiro feel like he had to be careful - most likely, Keigo wanted him to shut the hell up before any Council secrets were revealed. Akihiro dropped into silence until his last Pokemon fell to 0 HP and that seemed as much of a signal as any. He couldn't _hear_ anything coming from upstairs, but just because he couldn't hear anything didn't mean that nothing was happening. He closed his GBA with a neat sound and turned it off, getting up out of his chair and pushing the handheld into his bag which sat in the outer hallway. He turned to face the main room; Keigo and Kazuya were looking at him.

"I'm just going to check on those two."

Kazuya looked away, a look of resignation on his face. Akihiro took the opportunity to nod at Keigo, who looked at him with slight confusion. Akihiro nodded again, pointing upward to indicate Shin and Tatsuya... Keigo only offered a withering stare in reply. Akihiro sighed slightly and made his own way up the staircase.

He made sure to make his step heavy so that those two would be aware of his presence, if they were of the right mind to be so; he realised, once he got to the top of the staircase, he wasn't too sure which room it was they'd retreated to... but out of the four available rooms two of them still had their doors open, so that counted those out. Akihiro walked to the first and opened it suddenly-- empty. Had to be the other one. He went to the other one on the other side of the landing and opened it just as suddenly.

The upstairs of the Student Council building was quite similar to the downstairs. There was a main meeting room and three smaller rooms; they resembled small classrooms but were really for any purpose the Council could think to fill them with. The room that Akihiro walked into was the one that faced the rest of the school, the one with the small balcony. Also in that room was a sofa and two smaller chairs and another coffeetable, like the area in the meeting hall downstairs. Shin lay horizontally across the sofa with Tatsuya straddling his hips. One of Tatsuya's hands held Shin's head to his own and the other held a sprig of mistletoe between them, as if this were supposed to excuse their behaviour; Akihiro stood with a raised eyebrow, supposing that any question of Shin and Tatsuya's relationship had been quite adequately answered.

On noticing Akihiro's presence in the room, Shin broke away from kissing Tatsuya and pressed flat against the sofa, though the attempt to hide rather seemed to fail. Tatsuya, on the other hand, didn't seem too surprised or even bothered by Akihiro's presence. He merely made a disappointed sound that Shin hadn't carried on despite their unexpected visitor, then looked up at Akihiro.

"Oh... looks like we've been discovered, doesn't it~?"

Shin gulped heavily, "Jin-- Jinguuji--..."

For a few moments, Akihiro had thought that Shin's shock might have been something to do with him, some kind of guilt or shame at being caught by _him_ and feeling guilty for it, oh _god_ Akihiro wanted Shin to feel guilty for it, but then Tatsuya slipped away from Shin on the sofa and left his clothed erection painfully obvious. That explained it. Shin would have reacted the same had it been Akihiro or anybody else. Akihiro felt a dull kind of anger ache inside him, recognising it and trying to suppress it.

Tatsuya lay the mistletoe down gently on Shin's chest and sauntered over to Akihiro, "I guess Aki-chan saw something he shouldn't have done...! Still, that's okay, right? I mean... that's why you came in here, isn't it? Aki-chan?"

"... Don't call me Aki-chan, Kudou."

"But you came up here anyway, right? I mean, you could have just left us alone, but..."

"Tatsuya--! Don't..."

Tatsuya paused by the door and leant against the frame, staring up at Akihiro with annoyingly seductive eyes. "Oh, why not? Because he might do you harder than I was going to? Because he might hurt you, like Wadacchi does? I thought you'd like that, Shin-chan... he's a strong boy, isn't he... maybe I should make him my target...? I'm sure he'd be a lot of fun..."

Akihiro tried to make eye contact with Shin but Shin was only able to stare at Tatsuya, his expression somewhere between shock and worry. It seemed strange enough to see that kind of expression on Shin's face in the first place; Akihiro turned around to address Tatsuya, but the smaller boy was already making his way downstairs.

"I'll go help Kattsun with his paperwork, I'm sure he'll appreciate that! And, Aki-chan? Don't take too long. Wouldn't want Wadacchi to get suspicious, would we?"

An annoyingly smug smile, and then he was gone. He closed the door to the meeting room behind him; Akihiro watched for a few moments before turning around himself, closing the door and turning the lock with a decisive 'click'. He stared at Shin, but this wasn't returned.

"Hmph."

Shin's eyes flickered towards Akihiro, but nothing more.

"And there I was wondering what kinda relationship you had with that Kudou."

"... He's always too risky."

Akihiro laughed disbelievingly, walking slowly towards the couch; Shin still had that uncomfortable note in his eyes but didn't make to move at all. "Oh, and this is coming from the guy who keeps wanting to fuck in Enami-sensei's classroom just in case he walks in? Yeah, because _that's_ not risky at all. Hey, but that Kudou didn't seem to mind at all, did he? Calling me ' _Aki-chan_ ' annoyingly like that... seemed pretty comfortable with himself. Didn't seem surprised that I walked in, did he? I guess you've been telling him too, haven't you...?"

Shin glanced to the side, "He... knows about... that... that you and I sometimes...--"

Akihiro stood next to the sofa, standing over Shin and staring down at him with accusing eyes. There felt like a million things to say, though none he knew how to express vocally; for all that Shin liked to ignore their relationship, he really didn't seem to view it as any kind of _secret_... though of course, his relationship with Enami, his relationship with Tatsuya, his relationship with Akihiro... all such things were kept as a collective secret. Akihiro knew quite a few girls personally who would likely have thrown themselves from the school roof had Shin come out as gay, not that he'd ever actually do that. Akihiro wasn't really sure that 'gay' was a label Shin would have accepted; he just slept with men sometimes (a lot of the time, even). He didn't really _mean_ anything by it. It wasn't anything serious. If he spent the afternoon fucking Tatsuya or Enami-sensei, what business was that to Akihiro? He just stared down at Shin who stared up at him in return, nothing said between them, nothing really _able_ to be said between them.

 _I feel betrayed by this, Shin._ Akihiro wanted to say that kind of thing. That he didn't like it when Shin fucked other people. That he'd only kept his eye on Shin even from middleschool, that he'd been fucking petrified at the thought of having feelings for another guy but that wasn't any excuse for raping him against the fountain that time. How was Shin even still here? How could he still bear to talk to Akihiro? Some kind of coping mechanism, Akihiro supposed. It wasn't like he wasn't used to that kind of thing. Life didn't end just because of one event, after all... ever after something like that, you still had to come to school and do your work and get on with life. If he'd chosen to make any issue of it, Shin could have had time off school, couldn't he? And Akihiro could have ended up with a criminal record. In the end Shin didn't miss any school and the police never came after Akihiro so he supposed that in some perverse way things were fine, but you couldn't really think of it like that. To Akihiro, Shin was practically everything. He knew that to Shin, he was less than nothing and that hurt so much but he deserved it so deeply. There were better ways to attract a person than forcing their eye, not that Akihiro had any experience in those kinds of things. He'd never been interested in anybody before Shin, and now... well, now. What now?

"Just tell the whole fucking school, why don't you."

Something that almost might have been shame flickered across Shin's eyes, "We just--... sometimes when you talk to someone, you say things before thinking about it... end up saying things you realise you shouldn't have said..."

"So now Kudou's going to make me his target. Great, like I haven't already had enough shit from Wada as it is."

"That's not my problem."

Akihiro felt something inside him snap, quickly grabbing Shin by his collar and schooltie and pulling him forward until their faces were mere inches apart. "I don't know, I'd say it's _exactly_ your fucking problem if you can't keep your _fucking_ mouth shut, Nishimura. Between Enami-sensei and that Kudou they probably know more about what's going on between you and me than _I_ do, don't you think? Enami pulling all his psychoanalysis shit and Kudou smirking at me because you know and he knows that it pisses me off. You like pissing me off, don't you?"

"Jin-- Jinguuji--..."

A cruel smirk lifted the corners of Akihiro's lips; the white noise was rising and the anger was pooling and he _knew_ he'd say things he'd regret later but in that moment, he didn't care. He could regret in his own time, Shin had regret to do here and now that he wouldn't be likely to partake in otherwise. "Turns you on, don't it. Makes you hard. Doing whatever the fuck you please to make me pissed off is okay as long as you get fucked at the end of it, right? That's all that matters to you. Makes me sick."

Shin might have argued that point if he hadn't known it the truth as much as Akihiro did. He glanced to the side, a movement that caused Akihiro to let go of his collar and shove him roughly back against the sofa cushions. Akihiro stood up straight from where he'd been bent down to address Shin, noting the mistletoe that had fallen down to beside Shin's arm. He picked it up with two fingers, spinning the stalk between them and watching the berries blur.

"This is what he brought you up here for, isn't it? Cute tradition. Catching the one you love under the mistletoe. Does Kudou love you, Nishimura?"

"... He's fond of me."

Akihiro pocketed the mistletoe, "Any fucker could notice that. Does he _love_ you?"

"... I don't know. It's not the kind of thing we talk about."

"Do you love him?"

Shin didn't reply to that. Akihiro brought his fist down to the cushion next to Shin's head with enough force for Shin to blink openly at the fist in front of his eyes and consider how, had that been his head rather than the cushion, he likely wouldn't be conscious now to consider being conscious or not in the first place; he looked up at Akihiro who had his head bowed, never a good sign. He repeated his question, his voice low and dangerous.

"... Do you love him, Nishimura?"

"... Nothing as serious as that. He's a cheerful person. I like spending time with him."

"I bet it's fun when he fucks you, too."

"Can't really say that it isn't."

Akihiro pushed himself away from the sofa, turning on his heel so as to not face Shin. Even looking at him from behind, Shin recognized that Akihiro was now not much more than a seething mass of stress and tension and if he'd been sensible some part of Shin's mind might have told him to be very careful with what he said or did now that Akihiro was clearly this angry, but Shin wasn't particularly a sensible person and never listened to that kind of urge anyway. That voice in his head always tried to spoil the exciting things.

Flexing his fingers back and forth from shaking and outstretched to curled so firm his fingernails left deep grooves in his palms, Akihiro paced across the carpet in a tight pattern; Shin just watched him, trying to anticipate his next move - and there would certainly _be_ a next move. Akihiro was the kind of person who let his anger gather until he had to unleash it, somehow. All that feeling and emotion, bottled up but shaken and unstable and Shin wanted to drop him against the concrete just to see what would happen. Anger was a sexy emotion, wasn't it? Had Akihiro been more coherent he might have given Shin a lecture on danger perception and how important such a sense was, but he was long past being concerned for Shin's wellbeing. There was nothing in his mind but that anger, that frustration, that _need_ to let Shin know his feelings in whatever fucked-up brutal way he could manage. If Shin screamed that meant he hurt, right? That was okay, because Akihiro hurt too.

Another part of the anger was practically all that kept Akihiro's actions in check at that moment. He _knew_ that this was what Shin wanted. Just by getting so angry in the first place, he was already playing into Shin's hands and making himself vulnerable; Shin pushed him to the edge because he liked the risk - he could fall at any time but what was life without adrenaline? They'd gone through this scenario a thousand times before. Shin would come over and boast of the attention Tatsuya lavished on him or the wonderful way Enami had fucked him the night before and he'd watch Akihiro's anger rise with the eyes of an expert, pushing and adjusting until the heat was just right. He literally didn't seem to care how angry he made Akihiro just as long as he _was_ angry - didn't care how many hurtful things he said or dangerous things he did, just so long as the emotion was there. Some might have wondered if Shin lied just to stir Akihiro's temper, but Shin knew better than that; the truth was far worse than any lie. What was the point in making something up when you could _really_ make something happen, with evidence? Then of course, once you got used to something you had to go further and further...

Shin shifted against the sofa, his body language already markedly different. He tugged at his tie to loosen it and flicked one button of his undershirt open to reveal just a _little_ more... he pressed one foot flat down against the sofa to lift that leg and let the other lean off the edge, looking the very epitome of ' _I'm here, come and take me_ '. He stared pointedly at the back of Akihiro's head, "... You're angry, aren't you?"

The fact that that voice contained no fear delivered another killing blow to Akihiro's defences. He wanted that, didn't he? The fact that Shin wanted it and seemed to want it so badly was almost enough to make Akihiro give up on the spot. Shin wanted him to be angry? Fine, he was angry. Shin wanted to be fucked to within an inch of his life, left clawed and bruised and bitten and bleeding while the Student Council still did their chores downstairs? Whatever. They'd tip the sofa and pull the curtains, knock the coffeetable and stain the carpet. Go out and fuck on the balcony where anybody could see them. Be easier than telling everybody, wouldn't it? Better than fucking on the roof. Nobody ever really looked up there. The balcony of the Student Council building, that was only the second floor, _anybody_ could see them from there... and besides, most of the school was in the gym for the disco, surely? Akihiro indulged in the mental image of Shin clinging desperately to the railings, trying to find some kind of stability in the unfeeling metal as he was roughly taken from behind; he'd lift his leg to balance against the railings, the risk of falling greater but even more, _everybody_ would be able to see him like that... and he'd love it, wouldn't he?

And that was what Shin wanted, so Akihiro was determined not to give it to him. What could he do? If he hit Shin, he knew he'd really hurt him. If they screwed, that was only giving Shin what he wanted. What else was there? How else was there to diffuse this feeling?

"Of course I'm fucking angry and you _know_ I'm fucking angry."

"... Hey... look at me...?"

"Shut the _fuck_ up."

"Akihiro... look at me...?"

Shin only used Akihiro's first name in certain situations and this wasn't one Akihiro wanted to be hearing it in. He ran his hands over his face in harried frustration and turned around with his hands still covering his mouth, "Don't, Nishimura."

Still, turning around still involved _looking_ at him and actually _looking_ at Shin wore down Akihiro's defences once more. It was enough to be angry with him and to hate that confusing idiot with every breath in your body but when he lay back on a sofa with that _look_ in his eyes and a mere shallow breath away from begging... it was difficult to refuse him. There were the angry urges and the primal urges and sex seemed as good a way as any to work off the anger, surely? No, no, that was how they'd ended up in this situation in the first place. For all his apathy and his vapid moods, Shin _knew_ what he was doing; Akihiro only glared at him, "Doesn't make any difference. It's not _me_ you want, is it? If I hadn't walked in here, you'd be fucking Kudou by now. He's gone off so I'm the replacement, huh? I'm not falling for that, I'm not going to be your second-best just 'cause you're horny."

The fact that Shin's erection was still plainly visible despite everything only felt like another nail in the coffin. Shin glanced to the side with a decidedly doe-eyed expression, "It's not like that at all... between Tatsuya and you... I'd much rather it were you..."

"He's too perky to get properly angry with you, isn't he? I don't care."

"... I need you, Akihiro..."

"You've got hands, use those if you're so fucking desperate."

Determined to make it to the door and close it behind him and make that separate space between them, Akihiro started walking across the room. He'd go downstairs, say his goodbyes to the Student Council members and maybe go home; it was a little early for that but the others seemed to have more or less tidied up and without being at the disco, that really left little to remain in school for. Even Yoshikuni would attest that Akihiro had worked hard through the day, surely nobody would mind...?

The sound of a zip and shifting material. The silence of the room broken only by Shin's deep breathing. Movement on the sofa. A soft moan. " _Nnn_... oh... _oh_..."

Akihiro made it as far as placing his hand on the doorhandle before he hesitated. He didn't dare turn around; he knew that if he _did_ he'd see Shin as well as hear him and hearing him was bad enough... no, if Shin needed to relieve his own tension then he could do it by himself. He'd expected to be with Tatsuya, hadn't he? Akihiro steeled his resolve. He'd maybe ask Keigo if he was ready to go; they could walk home together, couldn't they? The next train came soon. If they hurried, they'd make it. If they didn't hurry, that'd just be more time spent chatting together. Either was fine.

"... Aki... _hiro_ \--... ohh... _ohh... nnhn_... mn--..."

He'd get home before it got dark and make something good for dinner. Make something Yukari-chan would like. What did she like? Mother had said she'd go shopping today. Getting home would prove if she had or not. Maybe it'd be a good idea to stop by the Convenience Store on the way home just in case... food from there wasn't as good as getting fresh things from the market, but it was too late for that and ready-meals were better than nothing. Maybe get some cookies, too. Yukari liked cookies.

Akihiro's ears pricked at the sound of breathless laughter, "... Oh... _oh_... Jinguuji... I was just thinking..."

"Makes a change for you."

"If... _ahn_... if you were the one doing this... then... _nnh_... then... I wouldn't _have_ to go to Tatsuya... for it!... Un- _hnn_ \--... it's... it's not my fault... if you can't satisfy someone..."

Both Shin and Akihiro were quite aware of the truth of that sentence; Akihiro liked to think that he knew secrets of Shin's body that even Shin himself was only dimly aware of - the specific places on his neck that made him moan, the way to stroke his cock and how he was defenceless if he were tickled... in his desperation, Shin trusted things to Akihiro that he was quite sure others were unaware of. Enami didn't like hurting Shin and Tatsuya didn't really bother with things like that, but the known truth of these things was still lost on Akihiro as the red mist descended once more. That thought overtook all others for a few moments; it didn't matter what Shin wanted or didn't want, it was just _low_ to make an insult like that. Akihiro could satisfy Shin and he _knew_ it. He pressed one hand against the flat of the door and was dimly surprised to see that he was shaking. Fuck it. Shin was digging his own grave. Akihiro turned around and walked back to the couch, not really looking at the other boy as he roughly pulled Shin's loosened trousers down to his ankles; that was enough.

"You'd get hard for anybody. You're not very hard to satisfy."

Shin moved to a more comfortable position on the sofa, "Oh, come now Jinguuji... you _know_ nobody touches me like _you_ do..."

"Says the guy who just moments ago was saying that I couldn't satisfy him. Make your fucking mind up."

Akihiro ran his hand up the length of Shin's erection, wrapping his fingers around it and pressing his thumb firmly down against the tip. He rubbed harshly, Shin's pre-come softening the movement but only just; it was still intense and Shin couldn't help but cry out.

" _AH--!_ "

"Huh, and while the others are still downstairs, too. You really would say anything so long as it got you laid, wouldn't you? Well, go on then. If you're gonna, just say it. How you want me to fuck you, if you're so determined about it."

Another self-satisfied laugh, "I want you to do it deep and hard, Jinguuji... you know how to get me going, don't you? Get me so worked up... make me come so hard I forget where I am. I'd like that. If those guys downstairs hear, well... that's their problem, isn't it? Not like they're not used to these things... you're friends with Katsuragi, right? So you should know all about that kind if thing... wouldn't be surprised if they wanted to join in..."

"You'd really like that, wouldn't you."

"Be a good way to end the school term."

"Still got another week left before the end, Nishimura."

"Whatever. Just means there's more time for... things like _this_ , then?... Don't you think...?"

While one hand had remained wrapped around Shin's erection, Akihiro's other hand had moved down to push against Shin's closest knee in order to try to spread his legs more despite his trousers and underwear still binding him somewhat. He pressed one finger between Shin's buttocks and, ignoring Shin's vague questioning and with no other prior warning, pushed that finger deep inside with as much force as he dared exert. This caused Shin to sit up suddenly with a sharp, unsure gasp, surprised by the sudden violation. Without preparation Shin was tight even around that one finger... Akihiro shifted it back and forth a little, feeling Shin's flesh move with him. Still, Shin had found that movement was at least one way to distract oneself from such painful things (and perhaps find a different, less painful position in the process) and so threw back his head with practiced abandon, moaning softly and pumping his hips between Akihiro's fingers around him and those inside him, surprise fading back into some kind of pleasure. He was used to Akihiro being rough by now.

"See... if it's just this kind of thing you want, fingers are fine..."

"Uhnn-... _nn_... a little--... more--..."

Shin moved against the sofa in order to angle Akihiro's finger in deeper, to see if he could catch that certain spot with any accuracy. He let out a strangled gasp and bit down against one clenched fist as Akihiro pushed another finger inside; the pain from before established itself as a dull ache around the lower half of his body, but Shin knew it could be worse. This didn't prevent each breath coming as a ragged cry and he couldn't help that but wished he could stop it; he didn't want to make any kind of noise like that which Akihiro would pick up on and use for his own ends.

"Makin' uncomfortable sounds like that, just with two fingers... bet you'd really scream with my dick inside you, huh..."

"Ahn--... _nn_... uhn... you... you _know_ I would..."

As if to prove the point, Akihiro pushed his fingers apart inside Shin, stretching him uncomfortably. The feeling made Shin squirm and wriggle but the movement wasn't entirely without pleasure... and if he could move just a little deeper, a little faster, do the things he _knew_ drove Shin wild... but, Shin supposed, this was just the foreplay. They'd get to the proper things soon enough and then he'd _really_ be able to let go... stir Akihiro's anger and make it _hurt_. It was Friday and he didn't have band rehearsal until Monday, so anything was fine - nobody would see him to ask where those bruises came from, at least. Unless he encountered Tatsuya or Enami in the meantime, and... well, they already knew. Shin clenched against Akihiro's fingers, wishing he'd even just licked them beforehand to provide a _little_ ease of movement... but beggars couldn't be choosers and it all led to the same eventuality. As that thought crossed Shin's mind, Akihiro withdrew his fingers with the same degree of comfort he'd used to put them in in the first place; Shin gasped again, now panting and just wanting to be fucked already.

"... Jinguuji..."

"What?" Akihiro sounded strangely detached to the situation.

"... You'll fuck me now... right...?"

Akihiro stood up, "Who said anything about that? I said fingers were good enough for you, didn't I?"

"Nn--!?"

Placing one hand against the flat of Shin's stomach as if to restrain him, Akihiro's other hand went to Shin's crotch once more. Staring pointedly at his erection as if to avoid having to look him in the eye, Akihiro gripped Shin's cock roughly and started jerking it quickly - somewhat too much so. Everyone had their own preferred techniques for masturbation and despite whatever sex itself usually involved, Shin was fonder of the gentle teasing touches when it came to _that_. Increased speed sometimes caused a harder orgasm, but usually that kind of touch erred on the side of pain rather than pleasure; Akihiro didn't seem to care about that. He didn't stop or slow down - Shin was even distracted from what Akihiro had previously said, from thoughts of sex being on the cards at last... the stimulation was too quick and too intense and he couldn't think of _anything_ all of a sudden. Any thought would be knocked aside and forgotten and he looked up to _try_ and make eye contact with Akihiro just for the _connection_ but Akihiro was ignoring him, purposefully so. Fingers stroked the crease of his legs and down to his thighs, cupped his balls and teased around and against his opening but failed to go just that _bit_ further... even fingers inside would have been good at that point... he was going to come, he was going to come but it couldn't be like this, it had to be more and it had to be painful and he had to see Akihiro's angry eyes looking down at him and only at him and his mind would white as his neck was bitten and he'd jerk and thrust and moan and he _was_ jerking and thrusting and moaning and it was too much, it wasn't enough, it had to end but it couldn't end like _this_...! Akihiro couldn't just stand there like that... couldn't look so distant, so impassive... there wasn't any point in it if it was like _that_... Akihiro was at his most irresistible when he was passionate, whether that passion was anger or lust or _whatever_... and Shin knew that he was being too noisy, gasping and panting and moaning like he'd forgotten how to be silent but he didn't _care_. Tatsuya knew, Keigo knew, what more was it if the others knew? Anybody could know. It didn't matter. It mattered too much. Shin pushed his hips down to _try_ and get some kind of penetration, _any_ kind of further stimulation... realising he wasn't pinned down anymore (and hadn't been for quite some time, such was the capability of his perception at that point), Shin sat up again and gripped at Akihiro's shoulder, his hips shaking and his fingers shaking and how could Akihiro _not_ be moved by this?!

"AA--... aa _AAAHN--..._ Jin--... _Jinguuji--_... n-nn... n-... _no_ \--... not--... not this--... not... not like this... please... _please_... uhn--... _uhn_ \--... oh... oh _god_... Jinguuji... _fuck--_ "

Akihiro didn't say anything, but he did turn to look at Shin. He _did_ look rather needy, Akihiro had to admit that. _This_ was it, wasn't it? The desperation that went past the lies and deception and anger and jealousy and whatever the fuck else Shin tried to use to manipulate him... if nothing else, the anguish in Shin's eyes was the absolute truth. He needed this, or something more than this - and Akihiro found it hard to care. He too needed a lot of things, a lot of things that Shin would never even _think_ to provide... if their relationship was going to be on that constant imbalance then surely there wasn't any harm in taking advantage of it? Shin knew exactly what to do to push Akihiro's buttons, but Akihiro wasn't entirely defenceless; this was Shin's territory, wasn't it? He was sexy and he knew it and wasn't afraid to use that to get exactly what he wanted. It was more than that. It was more than a matter of being sexy or unsexy or good in bed or not... there was something about control and submission and dominance and power and Akihiro wasn't entirely sure what that was. Only that he was jerking Shin off again, because he hadn't been able to resist. That Shin was pleading and begging with him again but he _wasn't_ going to submit. Somewhere beyond all of this was the urge to teach Shin a lesson, somehow. Maybe. Maybe that thought was too optimistic. Maybe, like so many times before it, it was just fucking. Not even that. Something like that.

Shin came suddenly and violently, between crying out and pressing his teeth to Akihiro's shoulder in some attempt to increase the physical contact. His voice came as a long whimper as the rough behaviour became too much for him, his hips marking his orgasm with a couple of finalistic thrusts, his semen spattering across his blazer and undershirt; it was then that Akihiro's hand stopped moving at last and the world seemed fuzzy somehow, too still and too silent. Shin held himself motionless against Akihiro, his fingers still clenched against the fabric of Akihiro's own blazer.

"H-... nn... _haah_... hn... ahn..."

Akihiro pulled his arm away, not wanting Shin to get too comfortable like that. Without the support, Shin fell against the cushioned back of the sofa; Akihiro merely stood and watched him. Shin returned the stare. There didn't seem to be anything to say. Sensing this and not receiving anything from Shin to indicate the opposite, Akihiro wordlessly made to leave the room. Once more he was prevented at the doorhandle by Shin suddenly piping up.

"J-Jinguuji, wait."

"I'm not gonna fuck you so don't even try askin'."

"... I wasn't."

"Well, what then? I wanna try and catch the next bullet train."

"Just look at me a moment."

Akihiro sighed but turned around all the same, "Haven't we already been through this? What is it?"

Leaning one elbow against the top of the sofa, Shin bit against one finger as he considered his words. He kept eye contact with Akihiro as he thought, only looking away once he'd decided what to say; he glanced down at the carpet and then closed his eyes, "... Do you love me?"

Taken by surprise by being asked such a thing so suddenly, Akihiro only frowned his confusion; that was too complicated a question to warrant a straight answer and that was without considering that Akihiro never planned on addressing such topics with Shin in the first place. Did he love Shin? Perhaps. That depended on what one really _defined_ as love. He wanted Shin, of course. Some days went by and he felt that he needed him, needed him more than anything else. When he was close to Shin and they weren't arguing or needling each other on purpose, those were the times Akihiro treasured. The times when Shin got suicidal were the most frightening; the prospect of a world without Shin in it didn't bear thinking about. But, love? That seemed too pure an emotion to prescribe to what _they_ had. The things they did together... people who loved each other didn't do things like _that_ , surely. Akihiro turned away from Shin, "... Not when you're behaving like this."

That seemed to signal some kind of end to their interaction. Feeling weary and rather empty somehow, Akihiro didn't hesitate at the door and Shin didn't prevent him. He closed the door behind him and stood against it for a moment, sighing deeply and rubbing his hands over his face. It took a few seconds for him to realise that he wasn't alone; Tatsuya stood by the door. Akihiro was suddenly on-guard, especially at that _smirk_...

"So how was it?"

"Kudou, what the fuck..."

"Could hear you from downstairs, or at least, could hear _him_. Nobody said anything though. We were expecting it, really. You were up here for a while, must have got pretty into it...!"

"It's none of your fucking business."

In another situation Akihiro knew that he would probably have lunged for Tatsuya at that point - even knowing that a bad idea, given Tatsuya's well-publicized martial arts skills - but he felt too tired for it, too confused and too exhausted. Suddenly, the thought that it was Friday seemed like a light shining in his mind, the prospect of the weekend a beautiful one indeed. Tatsuya just smiled at him and laughed at something, Akihiro didn't care to ask what. He glanced into the main meeting hall on his way out, picking up his bag; Takumu still slept and Yoshikuni seemed to have left the room. Kazuya's expression was somewhere between concern and sympathy and Keigo might as well have said _I told you so_ for all that his eyes read. Akihiro just glared at him and left the building.

****

The bottle of vodka made a gentle _glug_ kind of sound as Keigo took a lengthy swig of it. He wiped his sleeve over the rim and offered it to Akihiro who took it and stuck it down into the snow. Keigo watched as Akihiro did this and then laughed softly, "Hardly on the rocks, is it?"

The steam of their breath in the cold air mingled with the rising smoke from Akihiro's cigarette. He breathed in deeply, puffing the smoke out into one billowing cloud. He tapped the edge to his side, staining the snow beneath him with grey ash. "Not really the season for it, but whatever."

"Some warmed sake would be preferable... don't you think? Perhaps if we went to the Tea Ceremony building..."

"Hey, before that we'd need some sake. Besides, don't you have to be a member to get into that building..."

"The Student Council can get anywhere in the school."

Akihiro smiled and flicked what remained of his cigarette off into the snow. "Oh yeah. Forgot." He slipped the cardboard packet out of his coat pocket, flipping the lid open and drawing another from it. Keigo reached into his pocket for a lighter, flicking it with his thumb and offering the flame up to Akihiro who accepted it. He took a drag from it before glancing down at where his friend was seated on a rock next to him, "You want one?"

"I'd better not. It's bad enough my clothes smelling of it from you... I don't need more awkward questions at home."

"Then it'd be all ' _that Jinguuji, he's such a bad influence on our wonderful gifted son!_ ' again, wouldn't it? Should bring them over here, let them watch you knocking it back... they'd be pretty fucking surprised, you can hold your drink better than anyone I know..."

"And how many people do you really know with an established relationship with alcohol?"

Akihiro glared at nothing in particular, "My mother?"

Keigo looked up with apologetic eyes, "... Sorry."

"S'okay. Pass that up here, should be cold enough by now."

Keigo did so without question.

Behind the Student Council building was an area that, in the summer, would have been covered by overhanging trees; it being winter, the trees had long since lost their leaves and the snow had quickly overtaken any bare patch of ground on offer. There were some benches further along, but Akihiro and Keigo liked to stay close to the edge of the area; Akihiro stood against the wall as he smoked, Keigo sat on a large ornamental stone to his side. There were several of these stones placed at even intervals across the back wall and they were just the right size to be able to climb on and just the right shape to be able to sit upon.

Having left the Student Council building about half an hour earlier, Akihiro had decided that the secluded area of the school it sat in was a better place to risk smoking than the roof (his normal haunt) or anywhere else; school had still technically been in session at that time, though by that point students had started to spill out of the gym and began to get their things together to go home. Akihiro didn't want to risk any chance meetings with certain Science teachers and so had decided to keep a low profile for a little longer. It didn't hurt to get a later train back; it was only the normal train he would have caught had the day been a usual one anyway.

Keigo had joined him not long after. He'd come out to look for Akihiro, finding his footprints still fresh in the snow and, of course, the unmistakable scent of tobacco. It was fortunate that Yoshikuni had already left; Keigo knew better than anybody that Akihiro wouldn't have ended his day well had Yoshikuni caught him smoking - nevermind that Keigo was just as likely an instigator of such things. He'd been the one to get the alcohol in, not that Yoshikuni knew this. The Student Council held some amount of sway with local establishments, even outside of the school... if the Council needed a book, the bookshop would order it in without question. If they needed food for any kind of function, the Convenience Store would give them an obligatory discount. Despite the students all being underage, nobody batted an eyelid at the Student Council requesting several bottles of rather potent alcohol. In retrospect, Keigo regretted having forgotten the sake, but he could always pick some up at a later date.

Akihiro glanced up at the sky, "It was that Okita that served me while I was there. Seemed like he couldn't serve me fast enough."

"Yes, well. He has ties to the Student Council himself."

"Oh?"

"He was a member when he went to Seirei."

"Huh. Didn't know that."

"It's not really common knowledge. His experience was... not a good one. Which is why he's currently holding jobs across any place he can find them in our main city shopping area rather than anything more prestigious..."

"Oh yeah?"

"I can't say any more than that, I'm afraid. Simply that he fell foul of the other members at the time... a rather interesting case."

Akihiro took another drink of the vodka, "You just make me want to know more about it now."

"I don't mean to tease you. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you some things, though... being on the Student Council is a grave responsibility, even beyond Seirei Gakuen itself."

"Hmph, if I'd known it was some weird secret club I mighta been more inclined to try getting into it."

"I think you would have made a good addition to the Council."

"I don't."

"You could have used that to hold more sway over Nishimura...?"

Once more, Akihiro glared at nothing in particular. "I don't really need anything else like _that_ , thanks. Things are bad enough as they are."

A moment of reflective silence.

"... So what happened while you two were upstairs, Akihiro? We could hear Nishimura getting rather overexcited, so that seemed obvious..."

Another moment of silence as Keigo stared up at Akihiro with openly curious eyes. Akihiro sighed deeply and took his time, thinking about what had just happened and how to tell it to Keigo. He always _did_ want to know these things, strangely... and it was always annoying when, thinking it over afterward, Akihiro found himself unable to say exactly just what _had_ happened... he'd got angry, again. Shin had been annoying. They hadn't fucked, but they might as well have done. It wasn't anything different to the things that usually happened so why did Keigo want to know? Maybe for Yoshikuni's sake. That thought drifted across Akihiro's mind and sobered him slightly; he _did_ trust Keigo, but he'd just done something in Student Council territory. He wasn't sure if Keigo was curious just for conversation or whether his primary duties lay somewhere different... still, if Yoshikuni knew or if he didn't, Akihiro didn't care. If Keigo didn't say something, Tatsuya probably would. If Keigo said something or not, Akihiro had a feeling Tatsuya _definitely_ would. He sighed again, supposing he could only try and paint himself in a vaguely positive light for Keigo. He didn't know Yoshikuni too well but felt that he'd believe something better from Keigo than he would Tatsuya.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. Went up there, went in there, Kudou was all over him like a rash. I was... kinda surprised, Kudou got all sarky, Shin got all horny. I got pissed off, Shin didn't care, I ended up bringing him off. Or do you want the exact play-by-play?"

Keigo ignored the question, "... Kudou did seem rather overexcited when I mentioned to Wada that you wanted to help out. ' _It'll be interesting if Aki-chan comes and visits us! And Shin'll be here too, so it'll be very exciting!_ '... none of us really paid any attention to him. When he's waxing lyrical on Nishimura we tend to tune him out."

"Wouldn't be surprised if Kudou and Wada set it all up just to piss me off."

"Kudou and Wada don't have a lot to do with each other..." However, even as he spoke, Keigo sounded unconvinced. Truthfully, he wouldn't have been surprised either; Yoshikuni had agreed far too quickly in letting Akihiro come and help with the Christmas celebrations, had agreed with a _smile_. Sadly, Keigo knew that he knew Yoshikuni too well to mistake that smile for any kind of positive reaction. It wasn't that Yoshikuni didn't smile merely for the sake of being happy, just that Yoshikuni being happy was usually a warning sign in and of itself.

"I guess everyone knows about me and Shin now, then."

"If Kudou knows then it's likely, I'm afraid. I couldn't say how long he's known for. Has he acted strangely around you at all recently?"

"Not really..."

"I'd be careful of him if I were you. He'll do anything if it strikes him as being 'fun'... I'd just be glad that he idolises Nishimura. That keeps him safe. As for you... well, I couldn't say. I'll do what I can, though it's difficult to dissuade Kudou once he's got an idea in his head..."

"Hopefully he's happy enough playing around with Shin and that Moritaka to bother with me..."

"Even so. Just be careful, alright? I worry about you, Akihiro."

Finishing his cigarette, Akihiro laughed dryly. "I worry about me too. Don't worry, even if Kudou tries any shit on me, it wouldn't be any worse than the kinds of things that've happened already. Not like I've never seen the inside of the Student Council basement before, is it?"

"I'm still sorry about that."

"Not your fault."

Keigo drank again from the bottle, for long enough to cause Akihiro to raise an eyebrow.

"... I envy you, Akihiro."

Another sound of amusement, "Me? What you got to envy _me_ for?"

"You're not on the Student Council."

"C'mon, anyone can see that you've got it all going for you. Even without all the other stuff, you're idolised by the students and get automatic trust from the teachers and practically have the run of the school--! Then apart from that, there's all the outside things... like, I don't know, being able to sit here like this drinking all afternoon? If it was anyone else, they'd get suspended. _I'd_ get suspended if anyone happened to come by here. You'd get off fine. Hell, you could probably stop me being suspended!"

"I have. Several times."

"I know, and I'm grateful. But yeah, how many guys dream of being on the Student Council? That kind of thing'll propel you through life, too. 'You were on the Seirei Student Council? Here, have a job! Have any job you want! Have my job!'... especially that fucking Wada, jesus. You watch, he'll be leader of the world in twenty years or not even that. He's the kind that hasn't got anything stopping him. With that kind of power going for you, why the hell'd you be jealous of _me_?"

"Because _you're_ free."

Akihiro turned to face his friend, "... Keigo?"

"... We're tied together like this, now. The Student Councils that used to be. The Councils that will be. It's all... a long line of succession, a selected monarchy. To everyone else we're the Princes of the school, but that--... even like that..." He sighed, "I... it's exhausting, Akihiro. I just wish that... that... that we could be like _you_. Having to follow the rules and being punished for doing wrong things, working hard and being praised for it..."

"Dunno who you're talking about, that's not me."

"You know what I mean, though. Like you said, we can do practically anything we want... it'd be nice to have some boundaries, sometimes. Or for people like Kudou or Wada to have some ethics, some morals, _something_. But they can do what they want and manipulate people as they wish and hurt anybody and not feel guilty about it... and these are the kind of people I won't be able to break away from. I'll always be linked to them, Akihiro. Wada is our leader... that won't end just because we leave this school. I--... I'll follow him forever, if I have to... _because_ I have to..."

Akihiro watched silently, supposing that the alcohol had loosened Keigo's tongue a little. Personally, he doubted that much of Keigo's feelings for Yoshikuni were anything to do with their positions on the Student Council, though that helped. Always serving him so diligently, always obeying him without question... talking about always being linked to him, connected to him, following him forever... Akihiro just wanted to knock Keigo upside the head and yell something along the lines of how Keigo was _blatantly_ in love with Yoshikuni and that he should just admit it to _himself_ if not to anybody else, but he felt that that might be too harsh an action to attempt. Whatever Keigo's feelings were, they were his to grapple with as he saw fit and if he _was_ in love with Yoshikuni, it was up to him to realise that no matter what it looked like from the outside, frustrating as that was for Akihiro to observe.

"Yeah, well. Can anybody really say that they're _actually_ free?"... Akihiro had been about to say something else, but on glancing up at nothing in particular had noticed, at the corner of the building they leant against, a certain _somebody_ standing there. Somebody who seemed to be waiting for something. Who was looking straight at Akihiro. What was Shin doing here...? After what had just happened, Akihiro felt like he didn't want to see Shin again for the rest of the term, let alone anytime that day, let alone _now_. He nudged Keigo who looked up in the direction Akihiro motioned in, "... Speaking of which..."

"Do you want me to go?"

"I--... don't really want to see him right now..."

"You should probably talk about what happened. If he's waiting for you then it's got to be for a reason."

"It's not like him to talk about anything..."

Noting that the vodka bottle was nearly empty, Keigo offered it to Akihiro who downed it until it _was_ empty. Dutch courage, perhaps.

"... I'll go and spend some time in the city. Phone me when you're ready to go home, I'll catch the train with you."

"You don't gotta do that. I'm a big boy, Keigo; I _can_ get home by myself now."

"I'll be waiting for your call."

It seemed that you couldn't dissuade Keigo when he had an idea in his head like that... such a quality which, Akihiro supposed, was indicative of his being on the Student Council whether he realised it or not. Supposing that meeting up with Shin at some point was inevitable and that maybe it was better to get things over with sooner rather than later, Akihiro patted Keigo on the shoulder to signify his agreement. They nodded at each other, Keigo pushing himself away from the rock and slinging his rucksack over his shoulder. He looked at Akihiro again as if to make sure - Akihiro just nodded at him. He'd call.

The sound of Keigo's footsteps crunching in the snow receded and a few silent moments passed before the more hesitant sound of Shin's footstep approached. He came to a halt a few meters away from Akihiro, "... Jinguuji."

Akihiro didn't look at Shin. He folded his arms, "... I don't want to talk to you right now."

Unsure of how to react to that but not wanting to leave without saying anything, Shin walked past the rock Keigo had sat on and past Akihiro to stand a little way away from him, leaning against the back wall of the Student Council building. He turned to look at Akihiro, glancing him up and down. "... You brought a better coat today."

Akihiro remembered their time on the roof, "... _And_ a scarf, _and_ gloves. Aren't _I_ organized?"

"... I wondered where I'd find you. Then as I came out of the Student Council building, I could smell smoke... I knew it had to be you. Rather audacious of you to smoke at the Student Council building..."

"Keigo said Wada'd already gone, so we figured it was safe."

"Drinking, too?"

"Gotta have some fun."

"And was it?"

"Not really."

"Are you still angry?"

"What do _you_ think?"

Thinking of what had happened less than an hour ago, the mental images seemed both too distant and too close all at once. Akihiro remembered that rather empty look in Shin's eyes as he'd been on the brink of orgasm and idly wondered if that had been an apology in itself... though, when one was on the brink of orgasm it was very hard to think of anything, let alone something as serious as that. As basic as the emotions were, Akihiro still thought that Shin would say anything if it guaranteed him his orgasm. Maybe by that point he was too far gone to lie, but what did that have to do with anything? Akihiro wished that Shin weren't there so he could light up another cigarette, but he'd always vowed not to smoke with Shin around. Didn't want to damage Shin's delicate little vocal chords, after all.

"... I think today went quite well..." Shin was clearly just trying to make conversation. Like that, Akihiro supposed there wasn't any harm in humouring him.

"I guess. They had some cute stalls going on in the classrooms. Kind of like the Culture Festival all over again, isn't it? 2-B were having a Christmas-themed cafe. I guess if the chicks were older they mighta tried going for sexy Santas but as it was they were just all dressed up in the hats and jackets and woolly beards... but it was pretty funny and they seemed to be having fun. Did you go there? They had pretty good cakes."

"I won some biscuits in 1-A's raffle."

"Yeah? Lucky. I never win at those things. Or I get like... soap. Or candles. There's always a big cuddly toy and some wine but y'know, I bet they take those tickets out before they start... does anybody ever win that sort of thing?"

"I'm glad we didn't go to the disco... just from Kirihara's reaction, it seems like it would have been exhausting..."

"Yeah, well. Guys like that - like _you_ , even - are just gonna get tired out. Gonna have everyone wantin' to dance with you, probably fighting over you even... hell, they'd probably twist your arm into singing there, or something. Being near the end of term and all. I'm just not keen on dancing, I'd have stood at the edge for the whole thing anyway."

Shin laughed softly, "Do you think anybody would actually want to dance with you?"

"Hey, I'm pretty buff. I'm sure there're some chicks out there swooning at the thought of that rebel Jinguuji sweepin' 'em off their feet, huh? They can dream all they like, it's too much bother."

"Ignoring the feelings of the innocent maidens... you'd never make it on the Student Council."

"Would I want to? Not like you can speak any better. Innocent maidens and jaded... guys, you don't care 'bout anyone 'cept yourself. Still, I dunno, maybe that'd be better to have on the Student Council... then you could do what you liked. Oh wait, you already do."

Shin glared at Akihiro, wanting to say _something_ in his defence but supposing that, to be fair, Akihiro had a point. He sighed with irritation, "Jinguuji, about earlier--"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I didn't know that Kudou was going to--"

"I already said, didn't I? I don't wanna talk about it. So you're fucking Kudou, that's fine, whatever. It's not any of my business what you get up to in your spare time."

"It's just-... with you suddenly walking in like that, that's--"

"Nah, Kudou probably planned it. Thought it'd be fun to draw you in and piss me off. After all, he's your number one fan, right? Of course he's gonna want to eliminate the opposition. If I don't show up at school anymore, take it as read that he got me."

They might have laughed other than for the gravity of the situation and that the both of them knew Akihiro's statement quite true. All matters of the Student Council and Seirei Gakuen aside, Tatsuya was the oldest son in the family of the established Kudou Group, something he liked to play down while in school but still a factor that influenced many other things. Rich and politically powerful, you just _didn't_ want to fall foul of that corporation - especially if you were some no-name schoolboy. Akihiro didn't hold any doubt that if Tatsuya wanted to make it like he'd never existed, his family had the power to do so... still, that was a worst-case scenario and so far Tatsuya hadn't gone so far as to any abuse of his power like that. Yet. Akihiro hoped that he wouldn't be the first.

Shin's voice was quiet, "... Perhaps we _should_ have gone to the disco after all."

"I dunno, it was pretty nice playin' my GBA in the meetin' hall. Couldn't do that in the gym, you'd get someone decide it funny to steal the thing or spill a drink on it or something, and _then_ I'd be pissed."

"I mean... you wouldn't have seen... what you did, if you'd been at the disco."

Akihiro glanced at Shin, frowning confusion. "... If I didn't know any better I'd almost say you were bein' apologetic about what happened. That's not like you. Sure you'd not rather be tellin' me about how great your cock felt in his ass or something?"

Shin flushed, "... You're too coarse."

"And you're a slut, what's your point?"

"Jin _guu_ ji."

"Oh come on, it's true and you know it. You'd fuck Enami all morning, Kudou all afternoon and me all evening if you could get away with it." Akihiro paused on this thought for a moment, "... Actually, I'd totally not be surprised if you'd done that before. Don't tell me if you have, I don't wanna hear about it."

Akihiro didn't find it unsurprising that Shin didn't contest this thought but the fact that he didn't still irritated him anyway. He could at least _pretend_ , couldn't he...? Being such a shameless person... still, he would have fucked Tatsuya in the Student Council building if he'd had the chance - and they'd probably done it in there before anywhere, where better for a member of the Student Council?... He could have done that, but for the sake of missing that he would have done the same with Akihiro... sometimes Akihiro found it amazing that Shin's reputation remained as clean as it was (as far as he knew). He almost dreaded any thought of Shin becoming famous only for the national press to pick up on some edge of this scandal in the making... Akihiro supposed that, for the time being, Shin only associated with people who genuinely cared for him. Tatsuya was playful but not careless and if he honestly idolised Shin so much, he had nothing to gain from breaking his reputation - indeed, Tatsuya probably carried enough power to negate such a thing even if it _did_ happen. Akihiro knew he'd never breathe a word of any of it to anybody but Keigo and alright Keigo was on the Council but so was Tatsuya, and the Student Council moved in mysterious ways. Akihiro couldn't see any way that hurting Shin would benefit Yoshikuni and hoped it stayed that way... and then there was Enami-sensei who should have been old enough to know better but whatever. He seemed to see Shin as something delicate and fragile that needed to be protected and if he wanted to have idealised images of schoolboys in his head, that was his problem. Physically or mentally, Enami was no direct threat to Shin's wellbeing.

Shin stared down at his feet, pushing the edge of his shoe into the snow and pressing it down to a harder layer. "... You don't still have that mistletoe, do you?"

Until Shin mentioned it, Akihiro had quite forgotten about that. He pulled his gloves off and stuffed them into his coat pockets, reaching down to his right trouser pocket to pull out the sprig. He did so, holding it by the stem and staring at it. "Seems like it. Why?"

"Can I have it?"

Akihiro practically threw it, "Sure, I don't need anything like that." Especially not that which Tatsuya had used to try to attract Shin's affections. He wondered why he'd pocketed it in the first place... force of habit, perhaps. Likely he'd have forgotten it if Shin hadn't mentioned it and his mother would have taken it out before the wash... it was only some weird plant, anyway. Probably poisonous. Sounded about right.

Catching the mistletoe, Shin held it in his gloved hands for a few moments, just _staring_ at it. He'd expected Tatsuya to make some kind of move like that... indeed, given how Tatsuya was he'd been half-surprised he hadn't stuck it to his forehead and subjected the rest of the Council to what essentially boiled down to a kisschase... the thought of that brought a small, wistful smile to Shin's lips. Memories of things like that, of silly childish games... those things hadn't meant anything, had they? And now... well. Things were a lot more complicated now.

Akihiro had got angry, earlier. That anger had seemed to hinge around when he'd asked on matters of love... whether Tatsuya loved Shin, whether Shin loved Tatsuya... and then what Akihiro had said, before he'd left... couldn't that have implied other things? Still, Shin wasn't sure Akihiro was capable of implying such things in the first place. He was such a straightforward person, he'd probably said that without even thinking of what he _wasn't_ saying... and then and afterward, Shin had thought of Tatsuya and Akihiro and felt a little confused. _Did_ he love Tatsuya? He didn't hate him. He was rather fond of the older boy, exhausting though he could be... and Shin had yet to fully trust anybody on the Student Council, as much as Tatsuya seemed to like him. He was friendly with Tatsuya but not unaware of his capabilities, where his interests could lie and where manipulation could lead him... and unlike Akihiro, Tatsuya wasn't straightforward at _all_. It was best just to take him at face value and not think too hard about things. Tatsuya easily said that he loved Shin, but what did _that_ mean? How did he mean it? He said that but still flirted with Kazuya and practically anybody else who came near. Tatsuya, Shin supposed, loved him like he would a pretty object. He didn't seem like the kind who would feel any deeper than that... and like that Shin already knew that making assumptions on Tatsuya's behaviour was a dangerous move, but until he received proof he saw no reason to believe anything else.

He wasn't sure how he'd react if he _did_ receive proof. If Tatsuya told him, definitely and sincerely, that he loved him. That sort of thing simply didn't figure into any of his plans.

"... Jinguuji."

"Mmn?" The urge to light up another cigarette really _was_ strong now. Akihiro wondered how much longer Shin would want to stick around; it had been a stressful afternoon after all and now he was so close to being able to go home and meet up with Keigo and maybe go for a coffee and that kind of weekend thing... Shin was the only obstacle there. By now, Akihiro felt that he didn't really care what Shin said as long as he said it quickly and went home afterwards.

"When we were younger, you'd often get the girls chasing the boys with mistletoe, wouldn't you?"

"Like I could forget something like that. Getting shrieking chicks charging around daring each other to kiss me... geh, annoying. I'm glad they've all grown out of it now. 'Cept for that Kudou of course, but that's exactly like him. Sit him in the previous school and he'd fit right in even now, I bet."

"... They don't do it now because it's embarrassing, I suppose. Because feelings mean more now..."

"Or because they can't be arsed charging around after unresponsive guys all lunch."

Shin ignored Akihiro's comment, simply holding up the mistletoe while looking straight ahead, not looking at Akihiro at all.

"... Kiss me."

There was a brief pause. Akihiro turned his head and saw Shin staring ahead and the mistletoe held between them; he raised one eyebrow and took a deep breath to watch the dissipating mist, "Why would I want to do something like that?"

Perhaps the alcohol had dulled Akihiro's senses somewhat, but he found himself rather surprised to be pressed hard against the wall being kissed quite firmly by Shin; dulled senses could be the excuse. Akihiro closed his eyes and felt Shin grab at his jacket collar with gloved hands, the mistletoe presumably falling off to the side somewhere. Hadn't they just been talking about this? Love and mistletoe and what feelings meant. All of those thoughts vanished as Akihiro felt Shin's warmth, his lips, his tongue, his smell, his taste... close enough for all of those things, it could be just that for a little while. Feeling and sensation, nothing more than that. That was fine.

The kiss was languid and Shin didn't break it as he shifted himself around, placed his hands on Akihiro's hips to move him so that he was now the one pinning Shin to the wall... Akihiro didn't argue. Shin's movements seemed to become a little more breathless, a little more desperate; his hands were on the wander. Akihiro felt a hand nudge between his legs and his eyes snapped open, though he didn't move away or make any noise of discomfort; he might have done had he been in discomfort in the first place, but the contact wasn't unpleasant; those events earlier, _those_ had been unpleasant. Frustrating. Annoying. They seemed quite far away now, now that Shin was there and they were there alone and like that, they didn't have to worry about other people knowing or seeing or the all-pervading reach of the Student Council... maybe the alcohol had mellowed him or he was just tired but like that, Akihiro didn't care. That stress was worry for another time. Now he and Shin were alone, couldn't they let off a little stress together? Fucking against the Student Council building... Akihiro smiled into the kiss, amused by that thought. That hadn't been something he and Shin had tried before, had it? No time like the present. He pressed his hands down to Shin's trousers, finding Shin's own fingers already there to help; it was hard to do something like that while wearing gloves and inebriated, so Akihiro pulled his gloves off and threw them down, not caring about them in that moment. Buttons and zippers and the warmth of bare skin just uncovered against his fingers; Shin was already getting stiff. That slut. Akihiro didn't die down against the kiss as he tugged Shin's trousers and underwear down enough to expose him, to touch him, to feel that heat and make him hard. He heard the sound of Shin's garments falling down around his ankles and wondered how uncomfortable it was to be so cold, but... it seemed like other things were proving a distraction. Shin pulled away from the kiss and pressed himself against Akihiro's chest, his breathing rough and quick.

Akihiro let out a noise of amusement, his tone confident and his voice low. "... Somewhere like this? You're really desperate."

Shin didn't reply, his own gloves discarded as he worked against Akihiro's own trousers. For as much as Shin could seem distant and confusing, it pleased Akihiro that in moments like these he knew _exactly_ what Shin wanted. Nothing frustrating or annoying, just _that_.

When it was like that, Shin almost seemed normal. For that, Akihiro could forgive his silence.

Shifting Shin so that his chest pressed against the brick wall, Akihiro punctuated this movement with a biting kiss just below Shin's ear; Shin's neck had always been his weak spot and it wasn't like Akihiro to go in for the kill so early on in the proceedings but the mass of Shin's coat and scarf rendered most of that area hopelessly covered; Shin seemed to sense this - or at least responded to Akihiro's teasing - with a gasp and a hand quick to pull his scarf away, pull open his collar just enough for Akihiro to have access. Akihiro saw the movement but refused to take the bait, instead merely nuzzling and licking gently against the smooth curve of Shin's skin. Just this in itself made Shin clench his fists and press back definitely against Akihiro... he really was irresistible like this, Akihiro thought. Practically begging for it, he knew that he probably _could_ have made Shin beg if he wanted to, but he couldn't be bothered for that kind of effort. Both he and Shin knew that this was going to end in sex and so what was the point in prolonging it? Teasing Shin until he broke down could wait until they were inside, until it was warmer, until they had more time and Akihiro had more patience. Shin was already reaching to position Akihiro against him; seemed like he wasn't the only impatient one. Akihiro kissed harder against Shin's neck, "... If you're so quick about it, it's gonna hurt..."

"... Don't care..."

In another frame of mind Akihiro might have cared, but his fuzzy inebriation mixed with Shin's willing insistence crushed that concern quite nicely. After all, Shin had been hurt a lot more in the past and at Akihiro's own hand - he knew their limits and when to break them, he knew Shin's limits and this was not one of them. Sometimes Shin craved pain to the degree that Akihiro worried, but it just made situations like this easier. He bit down against Shin's neck as he grabbed his hips and thrust forward, bracing himself for the certain pain of a sudden entry that Shin had grown him used to. Felt slight surprise when it didn't come. He shuddered at the feeling of how tight and warm Shin was, the heat seeming such a contrast to the chill around them... he couldn't see Shin's face but he could hear his breathing and hear a soft shuddery whimper on each intake of breath. Those little sounds Shin made, Akihiro wished he could keep them forever. He intended to keep them for as long as was possible. He pulled back and pushed forward, pressing Shin against the wall as a hazy confusion as to why this was so easy set in.

Sex between them was never gentle and sometimes Akihiro would scare himself with the extent of his savage exertion. When oral sex came first it was a little easier and they'd use what they could for lubrication if they thought of it but this time they hadn't and yet... Akihiro hunched against Shin, holding him tight and using the wall for his primary support. He was used enough to the feeling of what it was like while he fucked Shin for this detail to seem incongruous, to seem strange, to seem odd enough for Akihiro to notice. How had that happened? Whatever those stupid fangirls with all their doujinshi liked to think, guys just did _not_ lubricate themselves, not like _that_...

" _Aki-chan?_ "

An image of a smiling face occurred in Akihiro's mind. Standing against the door, smiling up at him in that innocent way that suggested anything _but_. The thought of Shin left in the room like that with Tatsuya waiting outside. Akihiro had just wanted to get away, hadn't thought anything more of the situation. Had wanted to spend time with Keigo instead. Had been able to forget those things, that uncomfortable situation.

" _You'd fuck Enami all morning, Kudou all afternoon and me all evening if you could get away with it..._ "

His own words. A moment of clarity between the tipsiness and lust and all of a sudden, the anger from before made a return. Sobering and piercing, the _knowledge_ of what Shin had done was worse than anything - no wonder Shin was still around after everybody had gone home. What else would he have been doing, standing around the front of the Student Council building? Drinking tea with the others? He'd been fucking Tatsuya. No, Tatsuya had been fucking _him_. And after all of that, he'd still come to Akihiro.

"... You fucking _slut_ , Nishimura..."

"Ah-... ah _nn_ \--..." Shin opened his eyes weakly, but he was used to hearing that kind of thing. It wasn't, at times, an accusation that he'd disagree with, whether he liked it or not. If anybody was going to say something like that then Akihiro was completely in his rights to, so Shin felt. He felt Akihiro's hand around his ponytail, pulling his head back. That hadn't been a random comment.

"... Fucking insatiable... really can't be... _nnh_... content with just one... _hn-hhnn--_ _person_ , can you?... Did... did you... think I--... I--... wouldn't _notice_?!"

"... Dn--... d _hhn--_... don't--... know what you mean... Jin... Jin _guuji_ oh--!"

"... Like fuck you don't."

The sensible option might have been to stop, but Akihiro's mindframe was long past _that_. Lazy thoughts of casual sex against the Student Council building were gone, replaced by that one piercing emotion; in that anger was the desire to punish Shin, hurt him for doing something so fucking _thoughtless_. How could he bear to do that kind of thing!? In all of that was a desperation. Akihiro knew that he couldn't do _anything_ that Shin didn't want. Fuck him? Shin wanted that. Hurt him? Shin liked that. Get angry with him? Shin spent most of his time trying to make Akihiro angry. So what that he'd actually succeeded? It was only what he'd wanted in the first place. To work against Shin's desires Akihiro would have had to have stopped, and he was far beyond that now. He _couldn't_ stop. Part of him didn't want to. Thought that maybe if he fucked Shin hard enough he might actually be sorry, might be so hurt that he'd reconsider his actions... might feel _some_ kind of remorse. Akihiro hurt emotionally and so Shin would hurt physically, that was just how things were. That pain wasn't a punishment for Shin and yet for Akihiro it felt like more than he could bear and he couldn't take it, he simply couldn't take it. He held against Shin so hard it had to hurt, pulled his blazer to the side and sunk his teeth in to Shin's neck as hard as he dared; Shin only cried out at that, not sounding pained in the slightest. Dare didn't come into it anymore; Akihiro bit down as hard as he _wanted_ , just wanting some kind of sensible reaction from Shin... he used Shin as his support, half-tempted to throw him into the snow and do him like that, but the rage and the lust was building and Shin was still _smiling_ in some kind of self-contained rapture and Akihiro didn't understand, _couldn't_ understand, almost didn't _want_ to understand... but he wanted Shin, and so all of that was negated.

He didn't want Shin to go to Enami-sensei, to Tatsuya, to whoever the hell else he liked to frequent.

What was missing? What did he get from those people that Akihiro couldn't give him? Love? Care? Affection? Something unknown? Those things seemed so strange as to be laughable. Shin spoke disparagingly of Enami and talked of Tatsuya with similar contempt... and even then, they were sleeping together. Perhaps it was just sex for the sake of sex. Like this. No emotion or feeling, just the mere physical act, the body heat against the winter setting. Just because they _could_. Because nobody was stopping them. Because Shin knew that Akihiro wouldn't refuse. Because Akihiro knew that he wouldn't refuse, that he _couldn't_ refuse, not when it was Shin...

Not wanting to think anymore, Akihiro tried to block his thoughts out and to concentrate only on what he was physically feeling. That worked well enough; the warmth was intoxicating and he came quickly with a shuddering cry, burying his face against Shin's coat. Shin had taken to jerking on himself alongside Akihiro's thrusts and came a few moments afterward, crying out sharply with no care to who heard him; dimly, Akihiro wondered if anybody was still in the Council building but supposed that he didn't really care. If they were caught, they were caught. He didn't care. Shin clearly didn't care. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. Neither of them seemed able to retain their balance; the two of them fell into a kneel against the wall, in the snow. It was freezing. Trying to regain his breath, Akihiro wondered how it was possible to feel so hot and so cold both at once.

When the snow felt just that bit _too_ cold, Akihiro forced himself to stand up again. Pressing against the wall, he dragged his trousers up and leant back against the brick as he rearranged his underwear, did up his flies, looked down at Shin. He hadn't really moved, hands still flat against the wall and half-curled into the snow. His breathing was still quick. Akihiro's eyes narrowed; brief thoughts of moments of memory occurred to him, Shin against the fountain and that horrible _emptiness_ in his eyes...

Akihiro didn't want to think about that. He bent down to pick up his gloves, considering them for a moment before going for the phone in his pocket. He pressed the appropriate button for Keigo's number, walking away from Shin as he heard the tone. The whole situation had left Akihiro feeling annoyingly sober; if Keigo had any alcohol left then Akihiro felt that it was his right to claim it. Thinking along those lines, Akihiro remembered his cigarettes; he pulled one out of a pocket and held it in his mouth as he lit it, taking deep drags until Keigo answered the phone. So what if he was standing right next to the Student Council building? If any of those Council members brought him up on the issue then he wasn't going to go down without a fight. Especially if that fucking Kudou came out. Listening to the tone, Akihiro almost _wanted_ an excuse to see Tatsuya and get angry with him and just _hurt_ him. He knew that likely wasn't possible but didn't care, the thought at least was somewhat comforting.

" _Akihiro._ "

"... Aa. Of course it's me. Still in the city?"

" _I'm in the coffee shop at the moment. Where are you?_ "

"Just coming out in front of the Student Council building. Heading towards the main gates. Stay there, 'kay? I'll be there in twenty minutes or something."

Akihiro had been about to press the 'end call' button but was prevented by Keigo, " _Wait, what? You're still at school...?_ "

"Yeah, so?"

" _And Nishimura?_ "

"Freezing his nuts off behind the Student Council building because he's too fucked out to pull his trousers up, why do you ask?" Akihiro couldn't keep the bitter note out of his tone. There was a long silence, long enough for Akihiro to be able to picture Keigo's steady glare _perfectly_. Standing on the edge of the Student Council territory, Akihiro sighed with irritation. "I can see the look you're giving me, Keigo. Stop it."

" _You can't leave him there._ "

"Like fuck I can't. If he wants to catch hypo-pneumonia that's his own fucking problem."

" _And you can't solve a problem by fucking, either. Did it work?_ "

For a moment Akihiro felt like yelling down the phone, but Keigo always had that level-headed kind of voice that made anger like that impossible to aim towards him. Angry thoughts and lines and starts of sentences rose and fell in Akihiro's mind, the emotion seeming exhausting; on being given an obvious question like that, Akihiro felt his anger fall away into frustration and shame.

"What the fuck do you _think_. Keigo, he's fucking Kudou. Must have been fucking Kudou right while we were talking... he--... it--... when I--... it... it was obvious, I mean. That Kudou'd fucked him. And he still dared make me fuck him."

" _He made you? Actually forced you?_ "

"... Shut up."

There was a lengthy pause and then Keigo's voice, sounding rather remorseful. " _I--... I knew about Kudou and Nishimura. I'm sorry._ "

"Huh, don't be. You're on the Council, of course you'd know all that kind of thing. Can't imagine Kudou'd stay quiet about it."

" _Even so, I should have told you--_ "

"Because I really want to know all the other people Shin's fucking."

" _\-- so you didn't have to find out like this, Akihiro. So you could have prepared yourself, so you could have had some kind of defence._ "

"Can't defend against him. S'impossible."

The hopeless note in Akihiro's voice made Keigo feel somewhat similar. He didn't like to see his friend hurting, but what could he do? Shin seemed like a law unto himself and Tatsuya even more so. Did they really enjoy doing things like that, acting like that, knowing that their actions would have such a negative effect? It depressed Keigo that he knew he wouldn't be surprised if they _did_ \-- or at least, if Tatsuya did. He didn't know enough of Shin to cast judgement.

" _Look after Nishimura, Akihiro._ "

"What?!"

" _I'll be in the city until you're ready, I'm not in any kind of hurry. Just make sure he's conscious, alright...? I know how you get when you're angry..._ "

"I--" Akihiro hated the weakness in his voice as he spoke, even speaking to someone like Keigo. "I--... I don't... want to. Why... why do _I_ always have to? I always gotta pick up the pieces after this kinda thing. Can't someone else do it? Can't Kudou go out and pick him up if he's really so into Shin?"

" _Why do you have to, Akihiro? Because if you don't, nobody else will. Don't you think that's a bit sad?_ "

Knowing that Keigo was right but not wanting to admit it, Akihiro pressed the button to hang up and immediately put his phone to silent. If there was one thing that irritated him about Keigo, it was that terribly accurate sense of _I told you so_ he always seemed to possess. And he _knew_. He _knew_ when he was right and he always knew the right thing to say, even if it wasn't the easiest thing to hear. Akihiro knew that he wouldn't have been able to walk through the school gates in the knowledge of Shin still behind the Student Council building but it was nice to entertain the thought that someone else might take care of the problem for once. He waited long enough to finish his cigarette and flicked it off into the nearest flower border, turning to retrace his steps back to the rear of the building in front of him. Of course, Shin hadn't moved an inch.

"... Oi."

Shin didn't move and his eyes were closed; if he'd fallen asleep or passed out, either was within his usual range of behaviour. Akihiro rolled his eyes and leant down to a crouch, tending to the business of redressing where Shin's clothes had been discarded. His jacket was padded enough but the snow had done a good job of melting against his trousers, leaving them quite cold and damp to the touch... that couldn't be healthy. Akihiro hated himself for worrying but didn't know what else he could do other than do up Shin's trousers and hope for the best; he buttoned up Shin's jacket and tied his scarf loosely around his neck. He brushed the gathered snow off of the rock Keigo had been previously sitting on, grabbing Shin under his armpits and lifting him up with a grunt, pulling him into a seated and elevated position.

"Oi, Nishimura."

"... Nnhn."

"Wake up, idiot. It's time for school."

Purple eyes opened to a sleepy expression. "... Nuh...?"

"Oh, you decided to join the land of the living?"

"... M'cold."

"Not fucking surprised, sitting in the snow for that long. Anybody'd think you _wanted_ to catch something, so close to the end of term and your latest concert..."

If he felt any shame or embarrassment or even _remembered_ what had just happened, Shin's expression didn't show it other than the usual listless expression that usually adorned his features. He didn't make any move to really look at Akihiro nor to move at all; he seemed content enough to sit on the rock like that and part of Akihiro wondered if it'd be good enough to just leave him there like that, but knew that it wouldn't be, not really. Akihiro folded his arms and looked away to the side, "... I'm going to the coffee place. Gonna meet Keigo. Want to come?"

"... Why would I want to do that with you..."

"Because you'd fall over in the snow if I wasn't around. Okay, look, it's not a question. I'm going to the coffee place and you're coming and you're going to drink coffee and you're going to warm up. Okay?"

"... Tired."

"So what? You're always tired."

Shin seemed confused by something, his brow shifting slightly into a frown. He looked up at Akihiro, actually _looked_ ; this didn't seem to explain anything and Akihiro didn't really know what the look meant or could mean, and so passed it off.

In that silence, it was hard to stay angry at Shin. Even if it was just to think that he could really be pathetic sometimes, it was easier than being angry with him. It felt like being angry with a child or an animal, something that would hear the words and inflection and cower for it, not really understanding how or why. Did Shin ever understand anything at all? That thought felt like a heavy weight. If he did, he never made any signal of it. It was still snowing and Shin was still beautiful in that stupid annoying way of his. He was pretty when he kept his mouth shut. Akihiro wondered why he was still stood there in front of where Shin sat and why he wasn't walking away already, why he wasn't making his way to the coffee shop, why he wasn't trying to push Shin out of his mind to concentrate on the mundane things with Keigo, knowing such an exercise pointless. The thought that Shin had sole possession of his thoughts felt tiresome, but Akihiro felt used to that. It had been the same for years, it wasn't about to change unexpectedly.

"Well, come on. We're going, okay? Unless you can't walk?" Akihiro voiced that last part as a jibe but knew it was a vague possibility, having just done Shin so roughly and having left him in the snow afterward. Still, what was the alternative? It wasn't that Shin was heavy but even as the thought of carrying Shin to the coffee shop on his back occurred, Akihiro rejected it. Shin would probably fall asleep and be a dead weight again and as sleepy as Shin always was, that seemed a little dangerous in the cold weather. Why _wouldn't_ Tatsuya take care of this kind of thing?!... He never seemed serious. Was he serious about Shin? He was certainly enthusiastic, but... maybe _that_ was what was lacking, Akihiro didn't know. Still, was _he_ serious? He felt that he was, but was that a good thing? Did Shin appreciate that, realise it? Ever? Maybe being too serious was more of a negative than positive, especially if it caused things like that afternoon's events to happen. Being serious meant getting attached meant getting angry when Shin did things like that and wasn't that just exhausting?

Feeling impatient, Akihiro outstretched his arm and offered his gloved hand. "Nishimura."

"... What?"

"I just said, or has the snow blocked your ears? We're going to the coffee place."

"I still don't recall saying that I'd go..."

"What, because you'd rather sit in the cold? Fuck, you're stubborn." Sick of waiting, Akihiro grabbed Shin's closest hand and pulled him off of the decorative stone, holding it tightly as Shin nearly overbalanced. Despite this, it seemed that Shin was able to stand; content with the thought that Shin's legs still worked, Akihiro started walking in the direction that would lead them away from the Student Council building at a quick pace.

"O- _oi_ , Jinguuji--! Dragging me off like this... you're walking too quickly-- slow down--!"

Akihiro stopped for a moment, "You only ever say things when you're uncomfortable, don't you? Okay, you lead the way."

"Let go of my hand."

"No."

Shin made a noise of severe irritation but didn't push the subject; seeming to realise that arguing against Akihiro was useless in a situation like this, he led Akihiro by the hand through the school. Past the Student Council building, the clock tower, the track, the two of them took the edge route until they reached the main gates of the school. When they got there, Shin sensed Akihiro relaxed enough by their position to yank his hand away quickly; Akihiro looked up with surprise, "Nishimura?"

"I'm not walking around in public hand-in-hand with you, Jinguuji. Unlike _you_ , I have a reputation to protect."

Knowing Shin's reasoning, Akihiro didn't make any bid to try grabbing Shin's hand again, much as he could have done. The two of them started to walk along the road that would lead to the city, Akihiro noticing with a slight sense of indulgence that even though he wasn't physically bound anymore, Shin was still following along. He didn't _have_ to come to the coffee shop, at any point he could just make a break for it and get the next bullet train home but despite his apparent irritation, he still followed. Akihiro wondered if that meant something. Probably nothing conscious on Shin's part, but the thought still summoned a private smile.

"Shame when your precious reputation stops you from doing things you wanna, isn't it?"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Oh, come _on_. I know how much you'd _love_ to walk around the city, holding hands with me! All romantic and shit. You'd just die of happiness, wouldn't you?" Akihiro grinned in that way he knew would annoy Shin.

"Don't flatter yourself..."

To Shin, it seemed amazing that Akihiro could change his mood so quickly. He made no indication of such things being on his thoughts, but as Akihiro walked around him with that stupid grin making those annoying remarks, he couldn't _help_ but think of how Akihiro had been _before_. In the Council building, when he'd seemed so frustrated, so _distant_. Then, the matter of what had just happened, Akihiro seeming so angry... and he'd been angry before, so why wasn't he angry now? Perhaps he was and he was just hiding it well. Maybe Akihiro was better skilled at emotional management than he let on.

Content in the knowledge that Akihiro couldn't read him, Shin silently acknowledged his thoughts.

It wasn't that he hadn't wanted Tatsuya earlier in the Council building, just that he'd wanted Akihiro first. He'd wanted Akihiro to stay, he'd wanted Akihiro to--... to...

He'd _wanted_ Akihiro.

He'd almost wanted to apologise afterward but knew there was no way of doing so. How could you? ' _I'm sorry for having sex with someone else_ ' never went down well at the best of times, let alone with Akihiro and let alone in reference to Tatsuya.

He'd _had_ Akihiro, but he'd been angry. Not that Akihiro wasn't irresistible when he was angry but after what had happened, Shin hadn't wanted that. In the Council building, yes. Afterwards, no. Still. You couldn't be picky. He'd deserved Akihiro's anger, that time. The pain in his neck had numbed to a dull, throbbing kind of pain, but Shin didn't mind that. When Akihiro did that, it felt like proof; proof of what, Shin wasn't sure. Just that he liked it but only when Akihiro did it.

Only Akihiro ever really dared go that far.

Shin did notice - and appreciate - that, though he never made any mention of it to Akihiro; he probably didn't want to know that kind of thing.

Still, he hadn't left him alone behind the Council building, either. Walking around the corner to see Keigo and Akihiro there, Shin's only thought had been ' _I want to see you_ '. As Akihiro had walked away it had been ' _don't leave me alone_ ' and he hadn't; he'd come back. And he was being annoying and as irritating as he usually was, but... Shin didn't mind somehow. It was easy enough to tune out his childish suggestions. They wouldn't walk through the city holding hands but they could go to the coffee house and Keigo would be there, but that was alright. A third party was the control that would stop awkward things happening. Not that Shin felt he really knew how to deal with Akihiro in a social setting, but a very small part of him inside thought that maybe, sometimes, it'd be nice to learn.

He had the whole weekend free. Now seemed as good a time as any.


	3. 03: Sledding; Ice-Skating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching Akihiro look after his little sister, Shin can't help but be reminded of his own childhood. Somehow.

_Sunday, 10th of December_

 _Six days before the end of term_

 

"Oniichan! Onii~chan~!"

Akihiro turned around at the voice, "What is it, Yu-- _ommph_ "

"Oniichan fell for it again! Oniichan's silly~!"

Shaking the snow from where the snowball had impacted squarely against his face, Akihiro wiped his sleeve over his eyes to clear his vision and took a different pose, a mock-evil grin on his face as he waved his hands with attempted menace, "You've asked for it now, Yukari--! Oniichan's going to grab you and throw you in the snow and cover you with snowballs and turn you into a snowman! Is that what you want? Huh? _Huh_?"

" _Kyaaa~_ , oniichan~~!" Yukari squealed in delight as Akihiro began to chase her around the park's snowy grassland.

The snow, having fallen heavily since around the beginning of the week, had finally abated for a while. The snow still lay thick on the ground but for once the sun shone in a clear sky, not that this made anybody feel any warmer; the stark light against the skeletons of trees felt cold in itself, though seasonal somehow. One week left before the schools let out for winter and then another week and a half before Christmas. Things were already starting to wind down in favour of the festive holiday; decorations had been up around the city since the beginning of the month and that Saturday, they'd put up the main Christmas tree and turned on the lights. Shops played well-known songs and children were a good way into their advent calendars; the sense that Christmas was approaching was starting to set in, a subtle kind of excitement that seemed to establish itself especially in those under the age of ten or so. This had the effect of rubbing off on older siblings who sometimes felt that by now they should know better, but nobody wanted to be responsible for spoiling Christmas for their little sister through a bad mood. Akihiro had no intention of this; just seeing Yukari's wide eyes whenever they saw new lights or decorations around the city made him feel a little more excited and he rather relished the feeling. It had been a long time since he'd been so excited about Christmas, but... Yukari was at the perfect age to believe. Santa Claus would come, reindeer would fly, she'd get wonderful presents... and in the meantime, they could run around the park throwing snowballs at each other. There didn't seem to be any better way in which to spend the weekend.

Shin had known previously that Akihiro had a little sister, but hadn't seen the two of them together before. Occasionally Akihiro had mentioned this Yukari - Shin doubted that this would be the name of a girlfriend and the more Akihiro mentioned her, the more obvious it seemed of their relation. Still, he'd never met the younger - Shin presumed she was younger - Jinguuji sibling and didn't know much of her other than her name. However, as he walked past the park on the way back to the train station having been at the Live House for some last-minute admin, he supposed that that girl hanging around Akihiro could be nobody but the aforementioned Yukari-chan.

She was definitely younger than Akihiro, in any case; Shin couldn't quite tell how old she might be but wouldn't have put her as any older than six or seven. She seemed energetic and good natured (if that could be said of any child who kept pelting their older brother with snowballs) and had long red hair down to her lower back; it appeared rather straggly, but if they'd been playing in the snow for any length of time Shin supposed it was just wet more than anything else. She wore a dark blue coat and a skirt with warm leggings and crunched around on the snow in pink wellingtons. And kept throwing snowballs at Akihiro, who both didn't seem to mind and hadn't noticed Shin stood there simply watching.

Anybody who'd seen Akihiro there like that might have been surprised; it was just one of those things that everybody at Seirei Gakuen knew - Akihiro was the rebellious type. He got into fights with people, argued with teachers, didn't do his homework, got detentions with the Student Council a lot. He said himself that he didn't like girls (and indeed, most of the girls of Seirei were quite frightened of him) and most boys seemed targets of stress relief rather than anything else. Shin knew that Akihiro's best friend was Keigo on the Student Council but to most this would have seemed quite strange; someone as quiet and unassuming as Keigo hanging around with someone so brutal and uncouth as Akihiro? The equation simply didn't seem to work in theory, but in practice they were as close as anyone. But the matter still stood that Akihiro was rough and violent, undignified and rude. Seeing him run around laughing and playing with his younger sister seemed like watching a tiger play with a ball of wool, it just didn't seem to make any kind of sense.

And yet he seemed _happy_. Perhaps that was the strangest thing of the situation; he laughed openly and picked Yukari up and swung her around, she squealed and he smiled and Shin wasn't sure he'd ever seen such an open expression on Akihiro's face before. He was used to other things; irritation, anger, mocking, lust... but Akihiro just didn't seem like the _type_ who smiled. He never seemed to have anything to smile _about_ , but... with his younger sister? Akihiro couldn't seem to stop. Shin knew he was being quite blatant, just stood at the entrance like that... but both Jinguuji siblings seemed too preoccupied to notice him or indeed anything else about their surroundings.

Shin thought momentarily of his own siblings, loathe as he usually felt to do so. Being the youngest at seventeen, his family was long beyond anything like the scene in front of him. Even at his youngest, his older brother and sister had been too old to want to spend time with a child, and then the middle brother-...

Feeling a sharp distress he simply didn't want to cope with at that moment, Shin brushed his thoughts aside in the way he'd grown used to as he leant on one of the railings marking the edge of the park, simply watching. He didn't have anything else to do and watching Akihiro seemed like as good a way to fill the time as any. Seeing someone he thought he knew well in such a different situation, Shin simply couldn't take his eyes off of the scene, not caring what _that_ might have implied.

It took about fifteen minutes before Shin was noticed at all. Strangely, it was Yukari who noticed first; she pointed an outstretched gloved finger at Shin in a way that made him wonder if she objected to his presence, saying something to Akihiro. Probably ' _who is that strange person and why do they keep watching us_ ', Shin supposed. Akihiro looked up and just for noticing Shin, his manner seemed to change; he stood up straight and his body seemed to tense somewhat. The smile faded quickly. Shin supposed that this situation had no place for him and so made to walk away, but found himself prevented by a small hand grabbing the edge of his jacket.

"... You're that singer, aren't you?"

Shin turned around and looked down at the girl, noticing on close quarters that there was simply no way this child could be mistaken as anything but a relative of Akihiro's. As she looked up at him, Shin felt surprised by the intensity in her eyes, the same shade as Akihiro's own... and when she grinned up at him, it felt terribly similar. Realising that he'd been asked a question, Shin cleared his throat and wondered how exactly he was supposed to reply; he didn't have a lot of experience with such young children, let alone ones who actually _spoke_ to him.

"Ahm, uhm, that is... I'm _a_ singer, yes..."

"Akihiro-oniichan's always listening to you! I've seen your picture in his bedroom. Shi--... Si... Sinky! Thinko? Shiro!"

"M-my band's name is Synchro. I'm Nishimura Shin, the lead singer."

"I'm Jinguuji Yukari! Very pleased to meet you!"

"U-uh, n-nice to meet you too."

As Yukari bowed enthusiastically, Shin noted Akihiro approaching the two of them. He didn't look very pleased and Shin didn't blame him; not that Akihiro ever looked pleased to see him - and the emotion was usually shared - in the first place, but... neither of them had seen each other over the weekend, the time before that being the kind of thing Shin usually thought best forgotten. He'd spent Friday evening in the coffee shop with Keigo and Akihiro and that had been nice enough - Keigo was always a good conversationalist when you actually cornered him into it and he was probably the only person able to hold Akihiro back - but before that...? It was that kind of thing that, Shin supposed, caused that frown on Akihiro's face. If Akihiro didn't want to see him then he likely definitely didn't want him anywhere near his little sister.

It was interesting that Yukari had seen his picture before in Akihiro's bedroom, though. Shin had been inside Akihiro's bedroom once or twice and didn't recall anything like that, which meant that whatever pictures he had were either a new addition or secret, and if they were secret, wasn't _that_ intriguing?... Then again, Tatsuya often said that he liked to make Synchro collages in his spare time and that his bedroom was covered in these. Shin didn't doubt him and had no desire to find out the truth.

Akihiro approached Shin, picking up Yukari easily and holding her legs under one arm as she threw her arms around his neck and shoulders. The resemblance was quite striking but Shin didn't think that this was the time or the place for such observations.

"... Jinguuji."

"Nishimura. Strange time for you to be out and about, isn't it?"

"Not particularly. I had some business to tend to at the Live House. Seems like I'm interrupting a family outing... I suppose this must be the Yukari-chan you've mentioned in the past. She couldn't be anything but your sister... she's a cute child. Shame what they grow into, isn't it?" Shin punctuated this last point with a meaningful smirk aimed directly at Akihiro.

The steely look in Akihiro's eyes didn't fade, "I'm not in the mood, Nishimura."

Yukari looked between her brother and this new person, "... I thought you and Akihiro-oniichan were friends?"

"Yukari, I never said that I was _friends_ with this--"

"But oniichan, you're always talking about him and saying about how you've seen him at school and go to his concerts and have recordings of his music and manage to get in even when you don't have a ticket and wonder if you'll see him and if you'll go anywhere and if you can invite him back home, isn't that what you do with friends? We're not doing anything today, I'm sure mother'd be really happy if you brought a friend home! We could play games, it'd be lots of fun!"

As Yukari spoke, Akihiro seemed to develop a strange kind of blush; Shin only smirked and folded his arms, eyebrow quite raised. Akihiro put Yukari down quickly, "... Yukari-chan, didn't you say you wanted to build a snowman today? You go and get started, I'll come catch you up in a bit. Stay where I can see you. I just need to... talk to Nishimura about something, okay?"

"Doing private things again... oniichan'd better help else I'll cry!"

"I'll just be right here, I'm not going anywhere...! I'll be over in a few minutes."

"Promise?"

"I promise, honestly. Now, go make a big snowman...!"

Yukari nodded enthusiastically as Akihiro patted her shoulder and then shot off to the middle of the park where the thickest snow lay. Akihiro watched as she went and then went to stand on the same side of the railings as Shin, keeping his eye on his sister. Shin nodded agreement at the situation, "She really is a cute kid."

"She is, isn't she..."

"How old is she now?"

"I was thirteen when she was born, so... she's coming up to seven in a few months. She's growing up pretty quickly..."

"Quite sad really. She looks a lot like you. Other than that, she's adorable!"

Akihiro hit Shin roughly on the shoulder, "Don't say something like that. I guess we both get it from mother, though. She's actually my half-sister."

"Oh..."

Shin didn't press the questions in his mind and Akihiro made no move to answer them himself. Shin knew that Akihiro lived with his mother and sister but didn't know anything else about the situation and supposed that, really, it wasn't any of his business. However, there were other things that Shin couldn't help but feel were his business, perhaps. Remembering what Yukari had said, Shin's smirk returned.

"She said you've got pictures of me in your bedroom."

Akihiro ran his gloved hand over his face with an annoyed expression, "Little idiot doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut..."

Shin's tone became more self-confident as he went on, "Always talking about me, hm? Seeing me at school or at the events... about how you've got recordings of mine, how you even sneak in to see me...! Wondering if you'll see me, wondering if we'll go places together, wanting to invite me back _home_?! My my, Jinguuji. My my."

Akihiro felt that if he blushed any harder he'd match his hair colour, "She doesn't know what she's talking about."

"Oh, I don't know, she sounded rather sure to me... and she's right, isn't she? That's the kind of thing you do with friends, isn't it? Though isn't it a bit strange when you're thinking of a _friend_ that much, when you're talking about them so much that even your six-year-old sister notices something...? I'm just saying."

"Yeah, well, don't, okay? Anyway. If you don't got nothing else to say then I'll see you in school, 'kay?" Still seeming irritated by his blush, Akihiro made to walk back over to where Yukari was currently gathering handfuls of snow in an attempt to form a snowman's body.

"W-wait."

"Hm?"

Shin didn't realise he'd reached out to grab Akihiro's shoulder until the motion was over and then, as Akihiro looked back at him, he wasn't completely sure why he'd done that. _Why_ he wanted Akihiro to wait. Why he had that sort of feeling that he wanted to spend more time with Akihiro, chat with him, tease him and annoy him in that way he always did. See what Yukari-chan's snowman looked like in the end, if it got made. Otherwise, he'd only be going home and he didn't have anything to do back there... maybe watch television, play a computer game, attempt some homework? None of that seemed particularly appealing. Wasn't it better to be out in the snow...? Shin faltered, "... I-... don't... want to go home just yet..."

Akihiro shrugged Shin's hand away, "I'm not stopping you. Do what you like."

He walked off to join Yukari; Shin stood there for a few moments, feeling awkward. Maybe this brother-sister outing wasn't something to be disturbed after all.

"... _If it snows properly at Christmas we can make a snowman, alright?_ "

" _Really? We really can?_ "

" _Of course! We'll roll the snow together, and give him a proper face and a jacket and everything...! Won't that be fun, Shin?_ "

Shin smiled at nothing in particular, remembering things. He gripped gloved hands against the railings. Of course, things didn't last for that long. By Christmas, it was already over. They had a big garden and they could have made a snowman, but... not then, not after that. All of the things they'd promised seemed too far away, impossibly far away at _that_ point. Since then, some things had been recovered... but not everything. There were still broken promises that couldn't be fixed. Shin shuddered powerfully, this was too much; usually he got through the day without thinking of _that_ at all but now that had been twice in a short space of time... that damn Jinguuji's fault. Playing all happily with his little sister. How dare he do something so innocent like that? That wasn't like him, not at all...! Doing something so warm and caring, wrapped up against the cold weather... Shin was as wrapped up as he usually was but felt cold for it somehow. Like he couldn't stop shivering. He recognized the feeling and that made up his mind for him; he walked back over to where Akihiro and Yukari were throwing snow together for the snowman.

Shin stood with his arms folded, "... That's like no snowman I've ever seen."

"Haven't you gone already?"

"I felt like imposing in on your time. Or do you really hate me that much?"

Akihiro threw another handful of snow against the base, "... Nishimura..."

Yukari appeared from around the other side of the snowman, the pile of snow already big enough to obscure her where she knelt against it. "It's okay if we all work together, isn't it? Then we can get it built quicker!"

Shin dropped to a crouch and picked up some snow with both hands and a knowing smile, "Can't ignore a lady, can I?"

Akihiro sighed harshly but held his tongue, not wanting to get too openly angry at Shin in the presence of his little sister. Of course, it was her letting her mouth off that made him feel half of that anger in the first place - he didn't blame Yukari at all, she didn't know that you weren't supposed to say that kind of thing to a person, but still... that made things awkward between him and Shin, if nothing else. Their relationship was essentially one built on distance, what were you supposed to do with stupid things like _that_ added to the equation? Akihiro already hated himself for all of those things in the first place... it didn't seem like a good time of year for things to be kept secret. Yukari telling Shin that kind of thing... him finding out about Shin and Tatsuya... Tatsuya knowing about him and Shin... and those things still hurt and the pain didn't ease for Shin being sat next to him on that Sunday afternoon. After the events of that Friday Akihiro had hoped that he'd have the weekend free, or at least free from Shin... but it seemed like _that_ was too much to ask for.

Despite the unspoken feelings in the group, the three of them did manage to get the snowman built to some kind of finished standard. They hadn't brought anything to make a face with but Akihiro managed to find some stones in a flower border, and they did the job nicely enough. They all took photos of the snowman on their phones. Yukari decided that his name was ShiroShiro-san and wanted him to stay there for as long as was possible, though both Shin and Akihiro knew that the likelihood of a snowman staying in a public place for longer than a few days was quite unlikely. Still, if that was what Yukari wanted to believe...

After the snowman was finished, they all stood back to admire their creation, haphazard as it was. Shin glanced down at Yukari, "... You were kneeling in the snow all that time... aren't you cold, wearing a skirt like that?"

She shook her head enthusiastically and reached down to pick something out of the snow; apparently she hadn't knelt on the snow at all. Though the snow had quite gathered around it, the wooden sledge still seemed quite sturdy. Akihiro walked around to help her pick it up; when lifted out of the snow, it was about the same height of Yukari and built out of some light kind of wood. Shin raised one eyebrow, he hadn't seen a sledge like that for quite some time.

"You have a sledge?"

"Figured if the snow was heavy enough we could go up the rise and sled down it. Would be better if we had some proper hills in this city but hey, whatever. Besides, with smaller slopes I guess it's not as dangerous, huh?"

"Daddy got me this!"

"Y-yeah. Yeah, he did. Anyway, Yukari-chan! Want to play on the sled now? Gonna go racing along...?"

"Only if oniichan pushes me hard enough~~!"

Again, Shin felt oddly separate from Akihiro's sudden glee. He silently followed Akihiro and Yukari through the park, beyond the trees to the steps that led up the only real hill of the area. In the summer this area was good for picnics and other such activities but when covered in snow, sledding seemed the best opportunity. The trees were mainly to the side and the bottom of the hill was just more snow-covered grass, which Akihiro duly noted; he didn't want to send the sled crashing into anything, after all.

Shin stood to the side as Akihiro helped Yukari position herself on the sledge before giving her a firm, comfortable shove to send her down the slope. She squealed happily as she skidded down, eventually coming to halt in a snowdrift a little way along from the bottom; this only seemed to amuse her, though. She waved back up to Akihiro and Shin to signify that she'd made it; Akihiro waved back, a strangely sad smile on his face.

"Jinguuji?"

"Hm?"

"... You had a strange look on your face. Should we go and help her out of that snow? There's quite a lot of it..."

"She's pretty hardy, she'll be fine."

Indeed, she didn't seem like she particularly objected to the snowdrift nor did it seem like she was in a hurry to go again on the sled. Shin laughed gently, "She seems pretty content like that."

"She does, doesn't she..." A slight sigh, "It's pretty depressing how many guys she calls 'daddy' though. Makes me sick."

Again, Shin felt awkward for not having any effective way to reply to that, "... Oh?"

"Mother's pretty horrible when it comes to that. ' _This is your daddy, Yukari-chan!_ '... a few months later, ' _Daddy's changed quite a bit, Yukari-chan...!_ ' or ' _This is your new daddy, he's much better than the one you had before!_ ' and just expects Yukari to put up with it 'cause she's too young to know any better. Probably fucking that kid's head up so hard and she doesn't even notice it. Hell, Yukari herself probably doesn't even get it. She's used to it, mother swapping boyfriends on a whim... she'd probably think it weird that people had stable fathers at all, if you told her."

"... And her actual father?" Shin found himself curious.

Akihiro just shrugged, "Fuck knows. Seven years of boyfriends is practically epic when it comes to mother. Could be anywhere by now I guess."

"... And _your_ father?"

"Died when I was eleven."

Knowing little on Akihiro's home life, this came as something as a surprise to Shin. He'd known that Akihiro lived with his mother and had learnt that he lived with his sister as well, but had never really wondered about what'd happened to the absent Jinguuji patriarch... Akihiro had never mentioned it and Shin had never asked. Maybe Akihiro's mother had never got married, maybe she didn't know _who_ the father was. Maybe they'd just split up. Something like that. Things like that weren't uncommon these days. But, the truth was that he'd _died_...? When Akihiro was eleven... Shin quickly thought back. He hadn't really been aware of Akihiro back then, they hadn't ended up in the same year at school until they'd got to Seirei Gakuen and Akihiro had been held back for that one year... but it was still strange to think that that kind of thing had happened to someone he now knew so well, or something like... someone he spent a lot of time with, at least. That something like that had happened...

Well. He had his own experiences he was quite sure people who were at school with him around that time would have been shocked to know. They all had their own crosses to bear.

"That's--... I--... I'm sorry, Jinguuji."

"Eh, you don't gotta be, it's not your fault. Ages back now. Think I coped with it better than mother did, anyway... jumping from guy to guy like that. Doesn't seem like anyone wants to stick around for a past-it lush with kids. Can't really blame 'em. She can get pretty psycho sometimes."

Akihiro didn't say much more on the situation, then heading down the hill to help Yukari finish digging the sledge out of the snowdrift. They brought it back up together and Shin just watched as she rode the sledge down the slope several more times. Then Akihiro jumped on alongside her, the two of them happy enough to be doing something like that... Shin hugged himself tightly. Seemed like it was a nice thing to have an older brother who liked doing that sort of thing with you. Despite anything else, Akihiro seemed like, oddly enough, a rather caring and protective older brother; Shin couldn't see anything threatening Yukari without Akihiro making himself involved, and all praise to him for that. Shin couldn't help but mention this on one of the times Yukari and Akihiro returned, now quite exhausted from climbing the hill and wet from landing in the snow drifts.

"Hey, Yukari-chan. You're pretty lucky to have a cool older brother, aren't you?"

"Akihiro-oniichan's the _best_!"

"Just the right age. You wouldn't get my brother pushing me in the snow anymore. Or my sister."

Akihiro looked up with slight interest, "You've got siblings?"

"A brother and a sister, but it's nothing like you two. I'm the baby of the family... they're both off starting families and holding prolific office jobs now. Even when I was a child they were too old to really have time playing with a kid."

Yukari looked up with wide eyes, "... That's really sad..."

Shin waved one hand, "It's alright, I'm used to it. But Yukari-chan should be glad."

She watched Shin for a few moments before suddenly running to where Akihiro stood, tugging on his coat to indicate she wanted him to listen to something. He picked her up deftly, letting her lean in to whisper in his ear. Shin watched them with slight interest, unable to hear what Yukari was saying. Whatever it was, it didn't seem to please Akihiro. When she was finished he put her down, "I'm not doing something like that..."

"Oh, please! Oniichan! Please? Please! Pleeaaseee...?"

"What did she say?"

Akihiro walked over to Shin and pushed him roughly in the direction of the sledge, seeming to imply that he wanted Shin to get on it. Yukari just watched with a bright expression.

"Because it's sad that you don't have a cool older brother like me to push you on a sledge, she volunteered me to take up the slack. How's about that, Nishimura? Ready to call me ' _oniichan_ ' just yet?"

Having expected some kind of rise out of Shin for that, Akihiro was quite surprised that, sat on the sledge like that, Shin just seemed to _freeze_.

"... O... nii... cha... n..."

" _Oniichan--! Oniii~chan!_ "

" _What time is it--... jeez, Shin, it's far too early...! What is it?_ "

" _Will oniichan make it snow today?_ "

"... _It's April._ "

" _But I want it to snow--!_ "

"... _Okay, okay. I'll try and make it snow for you today, but don't blame me if it doesn't, okay?_ "

" _Oniichan can do anything--!_ "

" _Y-yeah well, I wouldn't say something like that... but I'll try, okay? Now, go back to sleep. If you don't sleep you'll never grow up...!_ "

Feeling slightly weirded out at how Shin had said that word (and without any kind of argument), Akihiro quickly shoved Shin down the slope to try and distract him. He'd had that vacant kind of sound in his voice, the sort of sound that reminded Akihiro of times he simply didn't want to be thinking about in that moment, not on a calm Sunday afternoon and definitely not with Yukari around. It seemed that Shin found his voice again as he realised he was moving; despite himself, he couldn't seem to help but to cry out as he shot down the hill, eventually coming into the now rather dilapidated snow drift at the bottom of the hill. He toppled over and took the sled with him, unable to _help_ but to laugh. How long had it been since he'd done something unashamedly fun like that? Things like swings and slides and sledges seemed like so much fun when you were a child, when was it that you stopped doing or enjoying those things...? He picked himself and the sledge up, bringing it back up to the Jinguuji siblings.

"... It's amazing how fun something like that is when you haven't done it for a long time."

Akihiro laughed, "Nishimura actually says that something is _fun_? Stop the press, Mr Apathy _enjoyed_ something. Good god."

"You were squealing just as much."

"I'm being a responsible big brother, I'm allowed to. Anyway, I'll push you again if you want."

Shin deliberated on this for a moment before deciding that there was no harm in being childish for an afternoon. He wordlessly sat back down on the sledge, feeling the pressure of Akihiro's hands against his back, feeling the wood beneath him shift against the ground... and then, just as the sled started to take momentum, he felt an extra pressure and suddenly Akihiro's hands were around him and both of them went careering off down the hill into the snowdrift; the first thing he was really aware of once the world stopped rushing past him was Yukari calling energetic encouragement to the two of them from the top of the slope and that, in falling off the sledge, he and Akihiro had rather fallen together in a writhing mass of snow and sledge and limbs. He heard Akihiro whisper somewhere above his ear, "... You even end up in shameless positions with my little sister around. Remind me not to invite you round my house again."

Akihiro made to get up and retrieve the sledge again but was stopped by Shin's hands at his jacket.

"... Wait."

Akihiro paused, "Hm? You're not _really_ going to say something stupid now, are you?"

"N-no, just..."

Shin didn't seem to want to finish his sentence. Akihiro sat up, "Just what?"

"... Last time we were in the snow you were all angry..."

"Nishimura, shut up. I don't need to think about that."

Shin glanced to the side, "... It's nicer when it's like this. All laid-back and... and comfortable..."

It seemed that saying something like that was enough to spark Akihiro into that angry sort of silence he sometimes had. Without saying anything else he got up off of Shin, picked up the sledge and took it back up to Yukari. It took Shin a few moments to realise that he was lacking Akihiro's warmth and then to see that Akihiro was already making his way back up the hill... he watched with a little confusion for a few moments.

If Akihiro really _did_ like him as much as Yukari had seemed to say, then wasn't it better to be comfortable? It had felt like that, a little. Speeding down the hill being held by somebody like that. Was that what it was like to have a caring big brother? Or, more in this case, at least somebody you cared for, who you cared about...

Not that Shin cared about Akihiro. Of course not. Certainly not. Would never even _consider_ such a thing. None of that explained that distant feeling establishing itself again as Shin eventually followed up the hill again. He watched as Akihiro and Yukari went down on the sledge a few more times, suddenly feeling that maybe he _was_ really imposing after all... but at the same time, as much as maybe he was, he couldn't bring himself to leave. Even if it was just watching that kind of thing, it was just _interesting_ to see Akihiro act like that. Even if it _did_ bring back memories that weren't bad in _themselves_ , but... still...

****

It was around half past nine that evening when Shin's mobile phone went off.

He was sat at the desk in his bedroom, the curtain open and the lights off. Having nothing better to do, he'd taken to doing some of the schoolwork due in for when they went back after the new year; the solitary light in his room came from the desk lamp just above him, so he was distracted by his phone, sat to the side, suddenly going off. He stared at it for a few seconds, making no move to answer it. Who'd phone him at this time? Who'd phone him full stop? Maybe one of the guys from the band wanting to go over something before the end-of-year concert... Shin sighed, he wasn't in the mood for that sort of conversation. Maybe some girl who'd got his number, shy and blushing and why would they be calling at _this_ time of night? Maybe they'd spent that long working up the courage. Or maybe it was Tatsuya, " _another call just to say I love you~~!_ "...

Shin was therefore rather surprised when he picked up the phone and noticed the caller was in fact Akihiro. Akihiro _never_ called him. Shin had only picked up Akihiro's number in the first place to be able to proposition him with more ease when they were on separate sides of the school and Shin had ten minutes before his next class...

As much as he stared at the phone, Akihiro didn't ring off. Supposing all he could do was to answer the phone, Shin did so.

"Jinguuji, what are you phoning me at this time of night for?"

"And 'hi' to you too. Look, uh, I... I just wanted to say, uh..."

"This sounds ominous."

"Shut up. Uh, that is... I thought..."

"Must be something bad to have you stuttering like a blushing schoolgirl."

Shin half expected Akihiro to hang up at that, but instead it seemed to give Akihiro whatever courage he needed to say what he'd phoned to say in the first place.

"... Sometime we should go to the park with the sledge just the two of us without Yukari what do you think?"

"I didn't get a word of that. Try speaking slowly."

Shin could practically hear Akihiro's blush, "... Sometime, just you and me, we should go to the park. Without Yukari. With the sledge. What do you think?"

"Hmn, I don't know... even going to a quiet place like that with Jinguuji is still like being on a date, isn't it? I don't really make a policy of going on dates with guys..."

"Stop sounding so fucking self-satisfied, Nishimura. You'd go anywhere if Kudou dragged you and I wasn't the one saying about how being in the snow with me was comfortable or whatever the fuck it was you were saying back then, so don't you dare spout off shit like that after _knowing_ what you said."

"I--..."

Shin was silent for a long time, long enough for Akihiro to wonder if he'd put the phone down and left it just for the amusement of Akihiro using up all his calltime minutes.

"Nishimura, you still there?"

This time it took a while for Shin to develop his own sense of courage, "... Hey, Akihiro..."

"Don't start with that again."

"No, _listen_. Uh. If--... if you... only ever promise me one thing... right? T-then... promise me you'll... never ask me, even if you're just _joking_ , to... to call you ' _oniichan_ ' again."

Akihiro frowned, barely remembering that anything like that had happened in the first place; he had a dim recollection of saying something like that while they were on the hill... ah yes, after Shin had said that Yukari had been lucky to have a cool big brother, or whatever it'd been that he'd said. And then Shin had gone _strange_ , hadn't he... Akihiro remembered _that_ and felt a sudden misgiving, like he'd overstepped a boundary or something. If it was enough to make Shin act strange and more still to make a serious request like that then it had to be something Shin felt strongly about, surely... Akihiro gulped. He knew he'd been rather insensitive to Shin in the past but every time he was insensitive, it made him all the more determined to try to be sensitive when the situation next arose, not that it ever really did. He and Shin were more likely to end up in an argument than anything else. Still, why would something like _that_ be the one that would make Shin talk seriously? It didn't seem to make a lot of sense but Akihiro supposed that it was all he could do to respect Shin's privacy and not poke his nose into the matter.

"Uh, sure? I, I mean, I promise. Didn't mean anything by it before, just with what you were saying to Yukari..."

"I meant it."

"Huh?"

"She _is_ lucky. Having an older brother like you."

"Well, thanks..."

"But you're not my brother, Akihiro. So don't ever try to suggest it."

Another frown, "You already said that your brother was way older than you anyway, didn't you? Successful office job or whatever. What's that got to do with me?"

"... Nothing. You're right. Forget I said anything."

"... Okay..."

A long silence.

"... I wouldn't mind if we went to the park together though. I... I'd enjoy that."

Akihiro's smile was practically audible, "Thought you would."

"... Was that all you wanted to say?"

"Uh? Uh, I guess..."

"Well. Goodnight, then."

"G-goodnight--"

Shin turned the phone off and put it back on the small shelf where it'd sat before.

Honestly. They hadn't settled on dates or times or anything but they'd practically organized a _date_ date... Shin shook his head, that wasn't their style at _all_. Quick moments stolen during schooltime, that was what they were used to... maybe that was part of why it'd seemed so strange to see Akihiro with Yukari in the first place. Shin knew that he didn't really look at Akihiro for anything more than _that_... so seeing him do something so domestic and caring, that had just seemed so _different_ and so _bizarre_... and yet, attractive somehow. Knowing that Akihiro had it in him to look after a kid sister - and he'd seemed so angry while talking about his mother... Shin hadn't said anything but felt that maybe, given Akihiro's mother's behaviour, Akihiro was probably the one main male influence Yukari _had_. And usually Shin would have thought this a bad thing, but... now, not so much. Akihiro had that kind of blind determination. Shin wasn't sure how he'd cope with a younger sister or a younger sibling of any kind... but with it having been seventeen years since the last Nishimura child was born Shin was quite sure that this wasn't something he'd have to concern himself with.

"... _Where's... oniichan...?_ "

A warm embrace quite uncharacteristic of his mother. " _Oh, Shin... Shin, Shin... my beautiful son..._ "

" _I--... mother? Why--... why are you crying...?_ "

" _Shin... don't worry. You don't have to worry anymore. He won't be able to hurt you anymore. We won't let him._ "

" _M-mother?!_ "

" _It... it was just a bad dream. We'll be alright, just the five of us... oniichan's a long way away now. We'll look after you. We love you, Shin._ "

It seemed like that kind of thought only ever occurred in this sort of situation. When Shin was alone, when his thoughts wandered, when something had reminded him. He didn't exactly feel like crying but the faint sense of nausea he always felt when remembering what had happened with his middle brother brought on a keening sense of loneliness, of promises broken and illusions shattered. He could feel the tears anyway. It would have been alright to cry, it wasn't like anybody would have disturbed him even if they'd heard him, but Shin felt long past crying about the situation. He couldn't help a bodily reaction. That was usually the sign Shin took as saying that he should go to bed; Shin packed away his pens and the book he'd been writing in, turning off his desk light and going to the window to look outside; it had started snowing again. Likely that would replenish the snowdrifts the three of them had destroyed over the course of the day.

Shin smiled gently, sadly.

"Oniichan... Akihiro's nothing like you, is he?"

Even as he spoke the words out loud, Shin knew he was lying. Rather than being different they were similar, _too_ similar, they were practically the same--

Closing the curtains, Shin stopped that line of thought. He simply wouldn't allow himself to think of such things.


End file.
